Today I speak to you about a sin that has wearied the whole world and has caused a great number of sins. It is the sin of self-interest, and the focus on the word “I.”

The word “I”

Nothing wastes a person more than his own self…

When man was created, he saw that his self was derived from God; his self owes its existence and its gifts to God, and it cannot live بعيدًا عنه (far from Him).

The first problem that man faced was the independence of his self from God,
such that he manages himself by himself, without leaving God to manage it.

Then came the problem of focusing on the self, so that “I” became everything, and for its sake he sacrifices everything, even God.

Thus all of man’s concern becomes: I, my dignity, my future, my knowledge, my appearance. And for the sake of the word “I”: God, people, and all his relationships are lost. His “I” alone remains, without God, without people, without values and principles, and even his “I” is lost as well…

I like the saying of Paul the Apostle: “that I may live, not I, but Christ lives in me.” (“Not I”) is a phrase we received in baptism.

In baptism we die in order to live. We are buried in baptism. The old man dies. The “I” dies, so that we may put on Christ… Does this meaning remain fixed in our memory throughout life?

“I live, not I, but Christ lives in me.” Because “for me, to live is Christ,” and not “I.”

Therefore, the principle of life in Christ is self-denial…

Thus the Lord said, “Whoever wants to follow Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me.” What then is the meaning of denying the self or the “I”?

“Not I” means “not my will,” but Your will…
When, O Lord, will my will die, so that I may live not by my will, but by Yours?
Let me not have my own understanding; I do not rely on my own understanding, but let me have the mind of Christ.
Not what I want, O Lord, but what You want for me.
I do not want to manage myself, but You manage me.
I want to forget the word “I” and remember You. I disappear so that You may appear: “He must increase, but I must decrease.”

Sometimes the word “I” is taken in a relative way, yet with the same sin:
My family, my country, my tribe, my children, my brothers… everything that belongs to me. A person may even start a quarrel if he hears someone speaking about (Upper Egypt), for example, because it is his country. Likewise the saying, “Me and my brother against my cousin”—why? Because he is my brother; his “I” and my “I” are linked by a bond of blood!

Because of all this arose the problems of revenge and vengeance…

Most conflicts among people happen because of the word “I”:
Even marital disputes—does not the word “I” enter into them?! My rights, my dignity… Who runs the house: I or my mother-in-law? Who spends on the house: I or my husband? Who owns the furniture: I or he?

How did God’s relationship with Abraham begin? By leaving everything related to the “I”…
“Leave your people, your kindred, your land, and your father’s house, and go to the land that I will show you.” The word “I” will disappear, and your people will become God’s people, your land God’s land, and you will be connected to God’s altar and God’s house…

Your “I” will disappear, and only God will appear. Your old man will disappear, and everything related to him. God will remain, and everything related to Him…

Moses also abandoned his “I”: his authority, his riches, his palace, his lineage as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He considered the reproach of Christ greater riches than all the treasures of Egypt.

What troubled Martha, the sister of Mary, except the word “I”?
How is it that I work alone? I labor while Mary rests!
But Mary did not think of her “I,” but of Christ and His words…

And what troubled the elder son, except the word “I”?
“I serve you all these years. I never transgressed your commandment. Yet you never gave me a young goat to celebrate with my friends!”

Even man’s troubles and sorrows may come from the word “I”!
My hair has turned gray, wrinkles have entered my face. I have grown old. I have become weak in health… And man begins to repair his “I,” fix his “I,” decorate his “I”… I have lost my relationship with people…

The rich fool never left the word “I”: I will tear down my barns and build greater ones, and I will say to myself, you have many goods…

And righteous Job—who troubled him except the word “I”?
“I went out to the gate… the ear heard me and blessed me, the eye saw me and testified for me. I delivered the poor who cried out… I put on righteousness, and it clothed me…”

Strangely, a person may even bring his “I” into the realm of service!
“I said this”—I must be the one to sign the papers! I want to have my freedom in work!

Talking about oneself—boasting—is one of the dangers of the word “I”:
A person speaks about himself more than he speaks about Christ. He does not speak about God’s work in him, but about his own work. By speaking about himself, he loses his reward, and his “I” is lost…

Those who think only of themselves become selfish…
But those who succeeded in service are those who forgot themselves and cared for others. They labored so that others might rest…
They sacrificed their time, their health, their comfort for others. Each one of them said: not I, but the Church, the service, the Kingdom, the Gospel, bringing everyone to God, and reconciling every soul with God… As for myself, I have forgotten it long ago…

Those who focused all their thinking on themselves lost themselves also…

How beautiful is the saying of Christ in this matter: “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

There are people who are enemies to themselves…
Those who, because of excessive love for themselves, occupy themselves with thoughts of envy and jealousy, burning their nerves by this, destroy themselves.

“If only I were like this… if only I took his place…” Thus they live in distress, fatigue, and constant inner turmoil.

Likewise those who destroy themselves with thoughts of anger and revenge…
“I am told such things?! I must respond and take revenge! I am insulted?! My dignity is wounded like this?! I must act!”
This person destroys himself with thoughts, inner fatigue, and psychological pressure.

Self-denial is not only forgetting oneself, but also بذلها (offering it), as a person lays down himself for his loved ones…

From concern with the “I” comes self-justification, with its spiritual errors…
It is very difficult for one who cares about his “I” to confess his sins…

An example is our father Adam, who, because of his “I,” sacrificed Eve and accused her before God to justify himself!

But the one who is not attacked by the “I” is ready at all times to bear the sins of others, attribute them to himself, and be punished for them to save the other. And in saving him, he rejoices… as the Lord Christ did…

How many errors the word “I” brings: pride, boasting, vainglory, self-justification, revenge against others, lusts, desires…

May the Lord grant us to forget ourselves and remember Him…

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 An article by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III – in El-Keraza Magazine – Eighth Year (Issue No. 27), 7/8/1977

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