The Problem of a Young Woman Seeking Monastic Life
The Problem of a Young Woman Seeking Monastic Life
Question
I am a young woman with a post-secondary qualification. Five years ago, when I was twenty-four years old, I applied to one of the convents of nuns. The idea of monastic life has been firmly rooted in my heart since childhood, and I have also vowed to dedicate myself to it.
Until now, I have received neither an acceptance nor a rejection, despite my frequent visits to the convent. What should I do?
Answer
Convents of nuns do not accept women over the age of twenty-eight.
You are now twenty-nine years old. Why, then, have you continued waiting for five years? And why have you placed all your hopes in one convent that has not given you an answer until now, despite your repeated visits? Why did you not go to other convents besides this one? If one convent did not accept you, perhaps another one would.
The matter required frankness with the Mother Superior.
She should not have left you hanging between acceptance and rejection until you passed the required age limit. If she saw in you some shortcoming that prevented you from entering monastic life, she should have been honest with you about it. You could then either work on correcting it within yourself or recognize that there was an obstacle preventing you from entering monastic life.
You should understand that not being accepted for five years is, in a sense, a form of rejection.
Sometimes people do not resort to outright rejection; instead, they use implicit rejection. Personally, I would have preferred that they speak to you frankly. That would have been better, so that you could make other arrangements. Naturally, since they did not accept you, you should have concluded that they were declining your application.
You should not have continued waiting indefinitely without any promise.
My advice is that you go to the Mother Superior, speak frankly with her about your situation and your long wait, and ask her to give you a definite answer, together with the reasons for it.
And if all the doors to monastic life are closed to you, you could, for example, consider a life of consecration, dedicating yourself to Christ.
As for the expression, “I have vowed myself,” this is not a proper expression.
You may vow something that is within your own authority and power, but not something that is in the hands and authority of someone else! You remind me of a young man who vows that he will become a bishop, for example! He does not have the power to fulfill such a vow. Were you certain that the convent would accept you as a nun before making a vow that you would become one?
In general, I do not agree that young people should vow themselves to monastic life.
Let them offer it to God as a desire—a simple desire, not a vow. If it is according to God’s will, let God fulfill it for them. And if it is not, let them say to the Lord, “Your will be done”.
Suppose that God has chosen another path for them. What would the result be then? The Prophet Jeremiah says:
“I know, O LORD, that a man’s way is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps” (Jeremiah 10:23).
How many people have made vows that they were unable to fulfill, and consequently lived in distress! Yet Scripture says:
“It is better not to vow than to vow and not fulfill it” (Ecclesiastes 5:5).
And how many vows are made in a particular moment of emotional excitement or spiritual fervor? Then the emotion or spiritual experience passes, while the person remains bound by a vow that he or she is unable to fulfill, causing a painful inner struggle.
This guidance—to present the matter as a desire rather than as a vow—would be valuable spiritual advice for spiritual fathers to give, as well as for youth servants in their ministry.
