The Concept of Love and the Concept of Friendship
The Concept of Love and the Concept of Friendship
Love is different from lust. We once said concerning this:
Love always seeks to give, whereas lust always seeks to take.
Lust is selfish by nature. It always seeks its own pleasure, even at the expense of others and even if it causes them harm.
Love, on the other hand, always acts for the sake of others. As Scripture says concerning love, it “does not seek its own” (1 Cor. 13:5).
Therefore, examine yourself in your relationship with the opposite sex: Is it a relationship of love or of lust?
Consider a young man who claims to “love” a girl, yet damages her reputation or compromises her chastity.
Would you call this love or lust?!
If he truly loved her, he would protect her. He would care for her reputation just as he cares for his sister’s reputation. He would safeguard her chastity and respect her feelings. He would not preoccupy her thoughts with himself or cause her to become emotionally attached to him, only perhaps to leave her afterward confused, unable to find her way in life, or seeing the road ahead as dark and uncertain.
Can we call this love?
Some may call it merely an amusement of youth!
But what is the price of such amusement, spiritually and socially?
Such an amusement may occupy the mind and even ruin the future. It may cause both the young man and the young woman to lose their academic success or excellence. There is no true love for either of them in this.
And what kind of amusement is it that results in the loss of chastity and reputation?
It may also result in the loss of the spiritual life of both.
True love must always be associated with purity of heart.
Love between two young people must never cancel out their love for God.
The Lord said that whoever loves someone more than Him is not worthy of Him (Matt. 10:37).
Therefore, is it right for a young man to love a girl more than God? Or for a young woman to love a young man more than God? And is it right for such love to involve feelings that contradict the purity of heart without which no one can see the Lord?
The person who truly loves you will never cause you to lose your spiritual life.
The person who truly loves you will not take for himself the love that belongs to God, diminish that love, or shake your love for God within your heart. Nor will he leave you struggling between two kinds of love: spiritual love and physical love, or love for God and love for another person.
What, then, about love that leads to marriage?
The important question is: What guarantee is there that it will actually lead to marriage?
What are the boundaries of such love? Or what are the boundaries of the relationship that people call “love leading to marriage”? Is it a love that exists between an officially engaged couple? Or is it love without any legitimate commitment?
What will its outcome be? And what precautions are taken to protect it from deviation?
Love has many forms according to the different areas of life in which it exists.
There is love among members of the same family: between parents and children, between brothers and sisters, and between husbands and wives. All these forms of love are approved by Scripture and are also consistent with human nature.
There is also love between friends, such as the love between David and Jonathan. After Jonathan’s death, David said of him: “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; you have been very pleasant to me; your love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women” (2 Sam. 1:26).
This was because it was a pure love between one soul and another.
Physical feelings had no part in it.
As for love involving physical intimacy, such as the love between husband and wife, Scripture does not permit it between a young man and a young woman outside the bounds of marriage.
The Concept of Friendship
This brings us to the subject of friendship: What is its meaning, and what are its boundaries?
Friendship consists of feelings of affection. It may exist between one man and another, between one woman and another, or between one family—with all its male and female members—and another family with all its members.
Friendship may also exist between members of the opposite sex within the boundaries of spiritual affection, provided that physical desire has no part in it.
A friend should be sincere in his friendship.
He should also be a righteous friend who leads his friend toward what is good.
A friend who defends you when you are wrong and encourages you to persist in your mistakes is not a true friend.
For in doing so, he is neither sincere nor righteous in his friendship.
His love for you becomes a harmful kind of love.
Therefore, you should choose friends who will join you only in doing what is right, who will not flatter you at the expense of truth, and who will never encourage you to do what is wrong.
