Should I Reproach?
Should I Reproach?
Question
Should I reproach a friend of mine if he has wronged me? Or should I endure his offense and remain silent?
Answer
You may reproach him if he is the kind of person who accepts reproach, and if the reproach will produce a good result.
This is because not every person accepts reproach. There are those whom you reproach, and they become angry, try to justify themselves, engage in much argument, and consider that you are accusing and wronging them. The reproach then ends with an even worse result. The poet said:
Leave reproach aside, for many an evil Began with reproach.
As for the broad-minded and loving friend who accepts reproach with an open heart and objectivity, you may reproach him and clear up the matter with him.
The Lord Himself explicitly spoke of reproach, saying: “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15).
Here the Lord sets a condition: that the reproach be between the two of you in private. This is because some people do not accept appearing to be at fault before others, while they may accept it “between you and him alone.” Even so, the Lord indicates that the result of reproach is not guaranteed by saying, “If he hears you.”
Here I will mention two important points regarding reproach:
First: The manner of reproach. There are those who reproach with love and may begin by mentioning the good qualities of their friend and his good deeds before mentioning the point of reproach. In this way, their approach is acceptable. On the other hand, there are those who reproach harshly, using hurtful words, as though taking revenge for themselves during the reproach and belittling their friend. Such reproach will not be accepted, and the other person will respond in kind, causing the situation to escalate.
Therefore, if you reproach, do so in a gentle and acceptable manner.
Second: The reason for reproach. It should be for a reason that truly deserves reproach, not over small matters that fall under the heading of love, which “bears all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). For if you reproach over every small matter, even trivial things, with excessive sensitivity, you will lose your friends by such behavior.
Therefore, be broad-minded, and do not reproach over small matters.
Bear these in silence, indeed in love and with good intentions. Do not think that your friend intended to offend you. It may have been a slip, a slip of the tongue, a joking remark, forgetfulness, and so on.
As for what the Lord Jesus said about the progression of the matter, and that you should tell it to the Church, this is undoubtedly concerning very serious matters with consequences that cannot be tolerated.
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