My Husband Is Stingy
My Husband Is Stingy
Question:
My husband is stingy in a very exhausting way. What should I do with him?
Answer:
I would like you to completely distinguish between two things: his inability to spend, and his unwillingness to spend.
Perhaps he is financially unable, and you think his inability is stinginess.
Or perhaps your requests are beyond his means, so he is unable to respond to them.
In such a case, the wife needs to be fully aware of the husband’s financial situation in terms of his ability to spend.
And before asking him for something, she should make sure that he is able to fulfill this request without having to borrow money or apologize for what she is asking.
As the saying goes: “If you want your request to be fulfilled, ask for what can be afforded.”
Many or expensive requests may be a burden on the husband, especially if there is insistence upon them. Otherwise, the peace of the home may be lost through distress, anger, or quarrelling!
The ideal situation is understanding, in an atmosphere of frankness and affection.
The reason for not responding may be a lack of conviction.
That is, the husband may not be convinced of the necessity or importance of what you are asking for. It may be a kind of luxury that the economic situation today cannot bear, or the request may expose him to criticism from some people…
Or perhaps the husband establishes a kind of balance among the requests, giving priority to some of them while others can be postponed… And there may be nothing stingy about any of this…
So what is stinginess in its true meaning?
Stinginess carries the meaning of loving money and being unwilling to spend any of it, despite having the ability to do so, and despite the legitimacy and necessity of the request…
Perhaps you say: This is exactly my husband’s situation…
By nature, he loves collecting and accumulating money and does not want to spend it, no matter how necessary, essential, and affordable the request is, and there are no competing priorities… Is this not stinginess?
Rather, I would say that he is stingy even with himself. He deprives himself of all the pleasures and necessities of life. How much more stingy, then, would he be toward me, his wife, and toward all our children, young and old…
Here I would like to ask you: Were you unable to discover this quality of stinginess in him before your marriage, that is, during the engagement period?
It is known that the engagement period is a time during which each of the engaged persons gets to know the other and sees whether the other’s temperament suits him or her or not…
Did you not notice this stinginess in him in the gifts he gave you, or in what he spent on you during your outings, for example? Did you not notice stinginess in his clothes, in his conversations, and in what he purchased for your shared home in terms of furniture or ornaments? Did you not try, by some means not hidden from your intelligence, to test this point in his temperament?
Or is this stinginess a new trait in him, which suddenly descended upon him from where you do not know?! Or did you discover the stinginess in him and manage to tolerate it for a period of time? Then the matter became too much for you, and you could no longer tolerate any more of it?
If that is the case, what is the solution?
It seems that the idea of “the working woman” has among its benefits freeing oneself from the husband’s stinginess.
For she can spend from her own income on what the husband refuses to provide from her requests and the household’s requests.
By “working woman”, we do not mean only someone who holds a job in society. Rather, we also mean any work or project that she undertakes and that generates an income for her, making her independent of her husband’s stinginess… or of his inability to spend for whatever reasons…
Think about this matter, and try to implement it…
Or you can make up what you lack through your siblings or parents, if they are able to contribute to some expenses.
Or try to encourage him to pay, sometimes through persuasion, sometimes through love, or through what brings him some benefit.
Or endure, and the Lord is able to help you and to change this trait in him, even to an acceptable degree.
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