The Ideal Family
The Ideal Family
The Family and Religious Upbringing
The family has a fundamental duty toward its children. It is responsible for them before God, before the Church, and before society.
Therefore, before the engaged couple enter into marriage, one of the qualifications each must have is the ability to raise children. Perhaps for this reason, among others, marriage at a very young age is not permitted, because such individuals are unable to raise children or to function properly as a new family.
The father has a duty in raising his children.
Thus the Lord says to him in the Holy Scripture: “These words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house…” (Deut 6:6–7).
What religious teachings does every father present to his children at home?
The father is responsible not only for his children, but also for his wife and for the whole household, for he is the head of the family and the head of the woman…
Look at how righteous Job cared for his children and offered burnt offerings on their behalf (Job 1:5).
Likewise, there is a duty on the mother, especially during the childhood of her children, for she spends more time with them than the father does.
One of the most prominent examples before us is Jochebed, the mother of Moses the prophet, who in a few years with her child was able to instill in him all the principles of faith, so that when he moved to Pharaoh’s palace, he was not influenced by its many forms of worship. He not only retained his faith but later became the champion of faith in his time.
Like Jochebed was the mother of Saint Timothy and his grandmother.
Therefore his teacher, the Apostle Saint Paul, said to him: “I remember the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice” (2 Tim 1:5).
The grandmother undoubtedly has an important role in raising her grandchildren. She may help greatly in this field, especially if her daughter, the mother, is a working woman.
I remember that in Russia, at the millennium celebration of the Church, I praised the role that grandmothers and mothers played in preserving the faith.
This took place during the seventy years of communist rule, during which the Church was not allowed to have activities in teaching children. Thus the whole burden was placed on family religious education at home, especially the duty of mothers and grandmothers.
A holy mother can raise her children in a life of holiness.
We have a mighty example in Saint Paula, the mother of Saint Basil the Great.
Through her wondrous spiritual upbringing, she was able to present four of her children as leaders of faith and spirituality in their generation: Saint Basil the Great, Archbishop of Caesarea in Cappadocia; his brother Saint Gregory, Bishop of Nyssa; their brother Saint Peter, Bishop of Sebaste; and their sister Saint Macrina, the spiritual guide of all her brothers, who became a monastic abbess.
Every father and mother must set before them the saying of Joshua son of Nun: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh 24:15).
This is the sound, worshipping family.
Likewise they stand before God and the Church and say: “Here am I and the children whom the Lord has given me” (Isa 8:18; Heb 2:13).
God has given the couple children so that they may make them children for Him.
Marriage is not simply a relationship between a man and a woman; it also involves the children.
And for the sake of the proper upbringing of children, God commanded children to obey their parents.
For the honor of fatherhood and motherhood, and also for sound spiritual upbringing. Thus the Apostle said: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph 6:1).
The phrase “in the Lord” means in all that agrees with the word of the Lord, for this is right.
I return to say that the ability to raise children is an essential condition of marriage.
A man proposing to a woman sometimes asks: Can she be a homemaker who manages its affairs well or not? But does he also ask: Can she be a good mother who raises his children well? And likewise the woman must be assured whether her fiancé can be a good father who raises children properly, and a good husband who brings happiness to his wife…
Marriage, therefore, is not merely a private life, but also a social and spiritual responsibility.
It is a responsibility before society, whereby the family presents to society new members who have been well raised at home and have become beneficial in every way, harming no one but instead building society and becoming objects of trust and respect for all.
It is also a responsibility before God, by offering holy children who will belong to the Kingdom and become good servants of the Church.
All this necessarily includes an educational responsibility…
Thus parents must be fit to teach, and possess sufficient knowledge…
For how can they teach their children unless they themselves are at a level that allows for giving, convincing, and explaining? Each of the father and the mother must be a reference for their children and a precise, reliable source for the information they need.
If they are not so, then they must study.
A mother must study so that she may teach her child, and should not stand before him as one who does not know… And the same applies to the father as well…
Along with studying the necessary information for the child, parents must study the psychology of their child at each stage of his life, so they can deal with him in a manner that suits him psychologically…
Raising children is not limited to teaching, but also requires practical training.
For religion is not merely information; it is life… Parents must help their children practice virtues practically and train in them… In all this, another duty stands before them, no less serious:
The importance of the parents’ example in the spiritual life of their children.
Religion is not merely teaching, but rather transmission… It is a life passed from one generation to another, passed through the practical life seen, observed, and touched in adults: first in the home, then in school and society.
If the influence of the home is strong, it protects the child from imitating the errors of society.
Thus the child is raised with strong and deep upbringing—through teaching, training, and good example. All this must be blended with love, for a child learns from one who loves him, and he also loves to imitate one who loves him.
Bad treatment may drive him to stubbornness and rebellion…
And here all benefit of teaching is lost, no matter how correct and sound it is, if the child insists on rejecting it with severe stubbornness because it comes from a father or mother who mistreats him…
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