Reveal Yourself to Me

By Essam Raoof1 September 19650 Comments

From the Memoirs of a Monk
Reveal Yourself to Me¹

It is not I, O Lord, who go to You, for I do not know well the way to reach You. My mind is limited, my soul is imprisoned, and I am also bound to the body. And there are many things that hinder me: among them my desires and cravings… And also, O Lord, because sometimes I do not want to go to You!!
Then, O Lord, I am distracted from You! I have many concerns that hinder me. And in my great misery and ignorance, I do not remove from myself vain concerns, but instead I add to them every day something new… So come, You, O Lord, to me. Reveal Yourself to me and visit me—whether as a son or as a servant—You who are all love, indeed You who are love itself.

It is not I, O Lord, who build for You a house in my heart for You to dwell in, for: “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” Who am I that I should build for You a holy temple in which Your Spirit may dwell in me? You, O Lord, build Jerusalem. So come and do not wait for me, as Your waiting may be long and I might not come.

Not by my effort, O Lord, but by Your help. And not by my strength, but by Your grace. By myself I cannot know You, but You can, by Your love, reveal Yourself to me.

And You do not reveal Yourself to me unless I love You. But how can I love You if You do not reveal Yourself to me? Reveal Yourself to me so that my love for You may grow. For whenever I see in You something new, my love for You increases even more, and my relationship with You becomes stronger. For how can a person truly love a being whom he has neither known nor seen, and about whom his information is unclear?!

So reveal Yourself to me, then, for this is the only source by which I know You in a true way: not through people or books, but through the knowledge of the One whom we have seen with our eyes and touched with our hands…

I cannot know You fully through books or through people who have known You, for these also cannot express what they have seen in You of attributes that cannot be uttered, and no tongue is able to speak of them. All they can do is stir the listener or the reader by saying: “Come and see how good the Lord is.” But as for clarifying Your essence, that is beyond their ability!

But if You reveal Yourself to me, O Lord, how can I behold Your face, while without holiness no one shall see the Lord?! And holiness is something not within my capability, for many are those who trouble me and are stronger than I, and I am weak before them all: before the world, the body, and the devil, and before desires, cravings, and thoughts.

Many times I fall, and many times I slip. And holiness is a dream I long for, but how can I attain it! Does this mean that I shall not see You? … Grant me, O Lord, the purity of heart by which I may see Your face. “Purge me with Your hyssop, and I shall be clean. Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.”