Advice for Married Couples
Advice for Married Couples
Question
We got married a few years ago, and we would like prayers for us, as well as some advice that would make our married life happy.
Answer
The most important advice is that you live in love, and that your married life be a holy spiritual life. Therefore, I say:
- The mission of each of you should be to make the other person happy.
The husband should consider that his mission in his married life is to make his wife happy. The wife should consider that her mission is to make her husband happy. And the spouses together should consider that their mission is to make the rest of the family members happy and to contribute to the happiness of others. Therefore, you should continually remember the words of the Apostle: “Love does not seek its own” (1 Cor. 13:5).
This is because thinking about oneself and focusing on oneself causes a person to neglect the needs of others, or, for the sake of oneself and carrying out one’s own opinion or desires, to be compelled to clash with others. Because of this, marital disputes arise.
- Each spouse should understand the psychology of the other.
And deal with the other in a way that suits this psychology. Likewise, each should know the other’s way of thinking and deal with the other in a manner that suits the other’s mentality and thinking. The problem of many spouses is that each party tries to change the other party—to change the other’s mentality, temperament, psychology, and manner—so that the other may agree with him or her! And when this cannot be done, problems arise.
Also, let each party train himself or herself to let some matters pass.
That is, to let them pass quietly, without calling the other to account for every word and every action, scrutinizing and investigating! For it is impossible for all the actions of the other party to agree completely with one’s own thought, manner, and intention. And it is impossible for the other party to be perfect in everything.
If you call the other person to account for every mistake, or what you think is a mistake, that person will undoubtedly call you to account in the same way: “And with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (Matt. 7:2). Thus, each party will watch for the mistakes of the other party, and married life will fail.
- Also, do not try to solve problems with problems.
If a problem occurs between spouses, it is not right for them to try to solve it with shouting and noise, nor with anger and nervousness, nor with estrangement and quarrelling, nor with distress and crying, nor by widening the scope of the problem and involving members of the two extended families in it (fathers and mothers). Rather, it is better to deal with your problems in a spiritual manner, and they may be presented to the fathers of confession and guidance sought from them for spiritual solutions.
On the positive side, you should have shared spiritual practices.
Have times when you pray together, read the Bible together, and receive Holy Communion together. For spiritual fellowship brings you closer to one another and unites your thoughts in one spiritual direction. And God becomes a partner with you in your home, and peace prevails in it.
How beautiful it is for you to exchange gifts on certain occasions:
On Church feasts, for example, and on your family celebrations: on your wedding anniversary, your children’s birthdays, your own birthdays, or on any other joyful occasion.
Let there be joyful occasions in your home, for shared joys.
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