Self-Examination
Self-Examination¹
A person greatly needs a session with himself.
He sits with himself in quietness, in order to examine himself and search his inner depths, to observe his behaviors and hold himself accountable, so that he may remain in constant vigilance… This self-monitoring and self-observation are necessary for every person, no matter how high he has risen in his spiritual life, and no matter how elevated his position may be…
For this reason, Satan tries with all his power to prevent every person from sitting with himself… How easy it is for him to drown a person in very many preoccupations that consume all his time and take hold of all his feelings, so that he finds no free time in which to sit with himself! And if he is a serving person, he can occupy him with service and its requirements, to the point that service itself preoccupies him, so that he does not calm down to think about his mistakes in his service! Thus, the majority of people often live in a constant whirl, outside themselves!
But you, dear reader, do not be of this kind. Rather, come out of the whirl of preoccupations and turn—even a little—toward yourself.
You need to sit with yourself for many reasons, among them that you may know your mistakes, whether they are mistakes of the tongue, or mistakes of thought, or of the senses, or of the feelings of the heart, or mistakes of the body. In general, to know your mistakes against the commandments of God, against people, and against yourself, in order to correct all these… Rather, to study your fixed traits within you—perhaps some of them need to change! Also to know the sins that are called by the names of virtues, and perhaps you boast of them! And just as you hold yourself accountable for the negatives into which you fall, also hold yourself accountable for what you lack of virtues. Likewise with regard to the cessation of spiritual growth, for it is assumed that you grow spiritually continuously…
And every person must place before himself the saying of the wise man who said:
“Judge yourself, my brother, before people judge you.”
But how can self-examination be done in an ideal way?
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First: He examines himself with complete frankness, and without flattering the self. Satan tries to prevent this in one of two ways:
Either he says to him, “Do not exaggerate in judging yourself, lest you fall into a ‘sense of guilt,’” or he says to him, “Beware of being harsh on yourself, lest you fall into depression.” And Satan is not sincere in his advice, because he wants to keep a person away from reproaching himself in order to correct himself…
Also in self-examination, a person must beware of seeking excuses for himself, so that his mistakes may be covered by justifications! Grace may work in a person so that he realizes his mistakes, so that he may be transformed into feelings of repentance. But Satan… he wants to keep him away from self-reproach and repentance, so he presents him with excuses and justifications that cover the mistakes!
Let everyone beware of offering such excuses and justifications, for they are a false form of self-compassion, by defending the self and attempting to lessen the guilt it has committed, in order to distance it from repentance!
If you truly love yourself, my brother, then do not have pity on it with this mistaken pity that deprives it of feelings of repentance and remorse for what it has done! This does not benefit it in any way. On the contrary, the soul may become accustomed to relying on excuses and justifications and continue in mistakes! Likewise, one who tries to excuse himself for his mistakes may become of the type with a wide conscience that swallows every mistake without regretting it!
Perhaps a person excuses his mistakes because of external obstacles that hinder the path of virtue, whereas he should have struggled in order to overcome those obstacles, conquering them rather than being conquered by them and prevented…
Behold our father Noah the righteous: he lived in an atmosphere of extreme corruption, in the midst of an evil generation that deserved for God to drown it with the Flood. Yet he lived in his righteousness and preserved himself in faith, he and his household. He was not affected by the surrounding environment…
Likewise Joseph the righteous: sin pressed upon him every day from his master’s wife. Yet he rejected all that pressure and insistence and did not sin. He endured what befell him of imprisonment, injustice, and disgrace, in order to triumph over sin.
Thus, external pressure is yielded to only by inner weakness…
As for the person who is strong within—from the standpoint of his heart and conscience—he never excuses himself by external pressures, no matter how severe they may be…
Let no one seek an excuse by saying that he was weak and that sin was stronger than him!
The weak person must struggle in order to overcome all the temptations of sin, so that he may be victorious and not defeated before it, knowing that grace will support him in his struggle, and placing before him that the Kingdom of God is given only to the conquerors… And let him not say that the commandment was difficult and that he could not carry it out…
Our father Abraham, the father of fathers and prophets, was able to carry out his commandment in the utmost difficulty, for he took his only son whom he loved to offer him as a sacrifice to God…
Read, therefore, stories about the righteous who triumphed in their spiritual lives despite all external obstacles, for they are stories that encourage you and strengthen you.
Excusing oneself by weakness is nothing but pampering the self!
And such excuses are merely tricks to escape carrying out the commandments of God. They are not acceptable before Him. An example of this is one who excuses himself from fasting because of weak health, and likewise one who does not give from his money what is God’s due to Him, excusing himself by economic circumstances, and for the same reason one excuses himself from fulfilling his vow… Let the conscience be stronger than all these arguments and excuses.
We move on to self-examination and ask: when does a person examine himself?
There are those who sit with themselves to examine themselves on occasions, such as the end of a year and the beginning of a new year. Others examine themselves at the end of each day regarding the mistakes of the day. Others examine themselves immediately after the sinful act, reproaching themselves for it and regretting it.
As for the ideal and most complete situation, it is for a person to examine himself before the action: Is this permissible or not? Is it fitting or unfitting? He does not hasten, for example, in speech, but weighs every word before uttering it, with regard to its meaning, its manner, and the extent of its impact on people. If he is reassured, he utters that word…
In this way, one can avoid error before it occurs, which is better than falling into error and then regretting it and reproaching oneself for it…
¹ An article by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III, published in Akhbar Al-Youm newspaper on 26-8-2006.
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