Conditions of the Father of Confession
Conditions of the Father of Confession
We previously published two articles about the priest as a father of confession in issues 35 and 45 of the year 1995. Today we continue our discussion of this subject concerning the conditions of the father of confession.
1. The father of confession must be experienced in the human soul:
He knows its weaknesses and knows its battles. He is also experienced in the spiritual life, the tricks of the devils and their deceptions, and experienced in the spiritual path, so that he is able to answer any spiritual question directed to him. He is also experienced in mental and psychological illnesses and can distinguish them from certain spiritual states. For example, he distinguishes between spiritual weeping and states of depression, and also distinguishes between introversion and love of solitude and seclusion.
I remember that when I was a bishop, a girl came to me and complained that her mother was trying to put poison for her in the sandwich. It became clear that all this was delusion, and that she was ill with a type of schizophrenia and a persecution complex, so I sent her to a psychiatrist to treat her.
2. Likewise, the father of confession should be experienced in the commandments of God and the way to carry them out:
He knows the limits of what is lawful and unlawful, for from the mouth of the priest the law is sought (Mal 2:7). He knows, for example, the commandments concerning vows, firstfruits, and tithes. He knows how to give a sound answer to those who ask him about modern inventions, such as radio, television, and video, and how to evaluate what is lawful and unlawful in them, and the difference between the invention itself and the way it is used.
He also knows how to answer questions concerning abortion, family planning, organ transplantation, fertilization by scientific methods, genetic engineering, and so on.
3. It is also required that the father of confession be intelligent and mature in thinking:
He understands what the sinner wants to allude to without stating it explicitly. He can continue with him and help him to mention his sins, as the Lord Christ did with the Samaritan woman (John 4). He knows how to solve the problems presented to him with practical experience.
4. The father of confession must be a comforter of souls:
This does not mean that he comforts him at the expense of God’s commandments, or by satisfying him in everything he asks. Rather, he comforts him in understanding, in good treatment, and in resolving his spiritual and social problems. He does not pressure him with advice that is beyond his capacity to carry out, nor rebuke him in a way that wounds his psyche.
He should have experience, knowledge, fatherhood, intelligence, and memory.
By memory we mean in spiritual matters, in following up the penitent in a spiritual plan he draws for him, and in following up his spiritual exercises.
5. The father of confession should act according to discernment and show no partiality:
He does not flatter members of the church council, nor wealthy donors, nor people of high positions. Rather, he speaks the truth plainly, but without wounding anyone. Error is error, whoever commits it, whether great or of high rank.
6. One of the conditions of the father of confession is that he keeps the secrecy of confession:
Whether in a direct, clear way, or indirectly by hinting or allusion, or in a way by which some can infer what he means and whom he means—even if he is asked to do so in court. Confession falls under what is legally known as professional secrecy, like the secret kept by a lawyer regarding a defendant, or the secret kept by an accountant or a bank regarding a person’s finances, or the secret kept by a doctor regarding his patients’ illnesses, which if disclosed would harm them.
7. It is required of the father of confession to have the virtue of endurance:
He endures the penitents, their psychological states, their sins, troubles, and problems. He endures their pressures, such as those who insist that he approve something or else they become angry and rebel. He does not, of course, yield to their requests, but tries to explain the correct situation to them. If they trouble him in this, he endures their troubling.
He also endures the pressures of the penitent’s family, which asks him to guide their son in a certain way—such as pressuring him regarding fasting, or preventing him from consecrating his life to God, or preventing him from excessive service or visiting monasteries, and so on. The father of confession is supposed to submit only to his conscience and to the guidance of the Spirit of God to him. Such a family he should convince of the correct situation, without revealing the spiritual condition of their son.
Thus the penitent feels that his father in confession takes his guidance from the Spirit of God, not from the pressures of his family.
8. It is required of the father of confession to give time to his children:
He sets specific days for confession, does not rush excessively in receiving confessions, and does not make his children feel that their confessions are a burden on him. He should also reassure them, ask about them, and make them feel that they are the focus of his concern.
The problem is that most well-known fathers of confession are busy and do not have sufficient time, which results in a lack in the ideal of confession, guidance, and follow-up.
9. The father of confession must care about the element of prayer in confessions:
He prays for those who confess to him and for God to solve their problems. He prays that God may inspire him with sound guidance. He prays before receiving confession, and perhaps during it with silent prayers, and he prays after confession as well. Among those famous for special prayers in confession was the late Archpriest Mikhail Ibrahim, whose prayers had a particular character.
10. The father of confession is not merely a recording device for hearing confession:
Nor is his role limited to that. Rather, he must be a positive element: helping the penitent to reveal himself, leading him spiritually and bringing that soul to God, facilitating the spiritual path for him, and progressing with him step by step until he reaches.
If he gives the penitent spiritual exercises, they must be at the level of his abilities. He should not give the same exercises to everyone, but to each person what suits him.
The father of confession must be kind and firm, and he must make sure of the penitent’s repentance.
11. There are conditions the father of confession follows if he punishes one of his children in confession:
The punishment must be for the benefit of the penitent, not merely for punishment’s sake. It is preferable that it be objective, for his treatment of what he erred in, and that he feels its spiritual benefit.
12. If there are confessions concerning a shared sin:
The father of confession must not insist on knowing the name of the other party involved in the sin, because this often causes many problems. If the reason for asking is mere curiosity, this is a spiritual error from which the father of confession must rise above. If it is for the sake of guiding the other party, how can he reveal to him the source of his knowledge without having disclosed the confession? However, if both parties agree to confess to the same father, this is from them, not because of his insistence on knowing.
13. The father of confession must be gentle with those who are not accustomed to confession:
Especially the older ones, so as to accustom them to confession without embarrassment. He should not, in the first confession session, squeeze them severely to extract everything inside them at once, so that they leave him extremely psychologically exhausted, wishing they had not confessed.
Confession, like other virtues, can grow with practice. The more a person grows spiritually and the more he is reassured toward the father of confession, the more he finds himself ready to say what he had not said before. Also, whenever he remembers a past sin that was not on his mind at the time of confession, he will be ready—indeed eager—to mention it and to relieve himself by confessing it and receiving absolution for it.
14. It is required of the father of confession to encourage penitents to confess:
Especially those who do not know how to confess, or those whom shame prevents from speaking or from revealing what troubles them. But this should not be done by asking questions that might open their minds to matters they did not know before, nor should he assume that everyone knows everything about every sin.
Likewise, regarding those who tell long, unnecessary stories in confession, he should teach them the method of confession and focus, rather than mere storytelling.
15. One of the tasks of the father of confession is to come to an understanding with the penitent regarding the method of treating his sins:
The work of the father of confession is not merely to hear confession and read the absolution, but among his most important responsibilities is to treat the penitent from his errors, sins, and bad habits. This should not be done merely by issuing orders or advice, but it is better to reach understanding with the penitent in a possible and scientifically beneficial manner, appropriate to his psychology and circumstances.
16. He should also advise the penitent to correct the consequences of his sin:
If he has wronged someone in something, he should restore what he wronged him in. If he has stolen, he should return what he stole, and if he cannot, he should abandon the unlawful money. If he has defamed someone, he should restore his reputation. If he has offended someone, he should go to reconcile with him and apologize. Reading the absolution does not mean that the consequences of sin remain as they are.
The ease of granting absolution without repentance does not reform the penitent.
There are other issues related to confession, such as changing the father of confession, the problem of those who partake of Communion while remaining in their sins, the manner of confession for girls and women, punishment for sin, and the spiritual exercises given to penitents, and others.
Article by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III: Pastoral Page – Conditions of the Father of Confession, Al-Keraza Magazine, 12/1/1996.
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