Meditations on the Song of Songs-I sleep, but my heart is awake
Meditations on the Song of Songs
The spiritual read this book and grow in their love for God. But the worldly need a guide when reading it, lest they misunderstand it and descend from its lofty meaning to worldly interpretations…
In the previous meditation, we reflected on the words of the virgin in the Song: “I sleep, but my heart is awake” (Song 5:2–4), and we continue our meditation on the same text from another angle…
“I sleep, but my heart is awake.” (1)
A great affliction is when a person sins and does not feel that he has sinned. His conscience is asleep, and so is his heart: it does not rebuke, correct, convict, or stir feelings of remorse and shame.
But this virgin, although asleep, had a heart that was awake. She possessed a delicate spiritual sensitivity, even though her will was weak… She slept, sluggish, unwilling to rise and open the door. And despite her laziness, she justified herself, saying, “I have taken off my garment; how can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; how can I defile them?”
Often the soul feels a desire to rest. Thus, every spiritual act at that time becomes burdensome. That spiritual labor seems to threaten her comfort, calm, and relaxation… The voice of God came to her late—after she had taken off her garment and gone to bed, after she had grown weary from the burden and heat of the day and entered to rest… How could she rise again? How could she walk to open the door?
“Do You, O Lord, wish us to open a new door of striving after we have taken off the garment of battle and entered to rest? Will You not let us rest from this struggle, and sleep, even a little?” Truly, “the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Therefore, I sleep, though my heart is awake.
It is hard to be tested in a time of comfort or spiritual coldness. Then the battle is fierce, for we are unprepared. Perhaps for this reason the Lord said:
“Pray that your flight may not be in winter or on the Sabbath” (Matthew 24:20).
Winter is a time of coldness, and the Sabbath a time of rest… The divine call came to this virgin at what she thought was an unsuitable time. The Lord could have come before she entered her room, before she took off her garment, washed her feet, perfumed her hands, and lay down to rest!
But the divine call requires effort, sacrifice, and offering—that is God’s way.
He asks the widow to give out of her poverty.
He asks Abraham to offer his only beloved son.
He asks the widow of Zarephath to give Elijah her last meal in a time of famine.
Thus, the matter requires self-denial, for giving out of abundance is cheap—it does not touch the heart.
But self-sacrifice is proof of love; it shows that a person has escaped the dominion of self and placed himself in the last seat.
This is the test Christ desires for you—to prove your love through toil and sacrifice. And as much as you labor and offer, so shall the Lord reward you manifold in His kingdom. As the Apostle said, “Each one will receive his own reward according to his own labor” (1 Corinthians 3:8).
Do not surrender to comfort. Rise and labor for the Lord.
Thus, the cross becomes the sign of your love for Christ. You must carry your cross on your path to Him; you must ascend it.
The virgin of the Song entered her bed to rest and was reluctant to rise. But unlike her was the prophet David, who swore, saying:
“Surely I will not go into the chamber of my house, or go up to the comfort of my bed; I will not give sleep to my eyes or slumber to my eyelids, or rest to my temples, until I find a place for the Lord, a dwelling place for the Mighty One of Jacob.”
The virgin slept, though Scripture warns us against such sleep, saying:
“Lest He come suddenly and find you sleeping.”
“Watch therefore, and pray.”
“I sleep, but my heart is awake; it is the voice of my beloved knocking…”
I want to enjoy sleep and enjoy my Beloved at the same time.
I want to love without experiencing the toil of love.
He is my Beloved, and I love Him. I know His voice and distinguish it from that of a stranger. My feelings are entirely toward Him, “but how to perform what is good I do not find.” When He put His hand through the latch hole, “my heart yearned for Him.” My whole heart belongs to Him, but my will is far from Him—too weak for the narrow way, too weak to bear the cross…
When will the will be reconciled with the feelings of the heart and submit to them?
When will I hear the voice of my Beloved and leap from my bed, unable to sleep—going out to Him, “leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills” (Song 2:7), following Him wherever He goes?
It is enough that He humbled Himself to come to me, enough that He called me by name.
The call of the Lord has a deep effect, even if I am slothful toward it. The word of God is living and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, and it cannot return to Him void…
This voice that rang in my ears has echoed even more in my heart. And no matter how asleep I am—I must rise.
(1) Article by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III – El-Keraza Magazine, Sixth Year (Issue 8), February 21, 1975.
