He Does Not Build His Comfort on the Fatigue of Others
He Does Not Build His Comfort on the Fatigue of Others
In the past two issues we spoke about comfort and fatigue. We add here that one of the distinguishing traits of a spiritual person is this: he does not build his comfort on the fatigue of others.
Whoever builds his comfort on the fatigue of others falls into many sins. In this article, we will try to present numerous examples of this:
• The person who entertains himself by mocking others.
He turns someone into a joke, making him the subject of his anecdotes or sarcasm. In doing so, he may deeply wound that person’s feelings—especially if the mocked individual is under his authority, or weaker than him, or if he himself is more eloquent, tactful, or quick-witted. His goal is simply to enjoy himself, to laugh, and to gain the admiration of others for his humor—laughing at the expense of this poor person. Sometimes this mockery extends to a whole group of people or even the residents of a particular country.
• Or a person who tries to highlight his own work by belittling others.
In order to appear well-informed or deep-thinking, he introduces “new” concepts and compares his ideas with those of others to prove that he understands what they do not, and discovers what they do not know—that he is right and everyone else is wrong. He may even challenge well-established beliefs accepted by all, claiming they are false and that he alone has discovered the truth.
If this happens in matters of doctrine, such a person falls into heresy, for heresy is the invention of something new that contradicts sound belief. Ironically, he may imagine himself a reformer building his own glory, while in reality he confuses minds, exhausts the community of believers, and wastes the time of leaders who must respond to him.
• Another example is the misuse of loudspeakers.
Someone holds a wedding celebration and broadcasts its songs and noise through loudspeakers, filling the entire residential area with sound. He rejoices in publicizing his happiness, while the loud noise may exhaust a sick person who needs rest, distract a student studying, or disturb someone who wishes to read, write, think, or simply sleep after fatigue.
A similar case is someone who turns on a transistor radio while riding a tram or public bus, unconcerned about the comfort of other passengers as long as he enjoys listening. The same applies to guests who visit a home during students’ exam periods and spend long hours chatting with raised voices, disturbing those who are studying and preparing for exams, scattering their thoughts.
• Another example concerns telephone calls.
A person calls you without caring whether you are free or busy, alone or with guests. He continues talking at length, taking his full comfort in conversation, while you struggle to find a way to end the call. You may hint that you are busy, but he pays no attention and continues until he finishes everything he wants to say.
The spiritual person does not behave this way. When he calls, he first asks whether you have time and how much of it, and he respects your time—not only in phone calls, but in every conversation and every meeting.
• Another example at the expense of others is smoking.
Someone who smokes a cigar while the smoke troubles those around him thinks only of his own comfort, not of others’. In fact, he harms both himself and them. The same applies to someone who drives a car that fills the air with exhaust fumes, or who establishes a factory in a residential area, polluting the environment with smoke or noise.
• Another example is visiting monasteries or hermits.
When a spiritual person visits a monastery, he goes seeking spiritual benefit through solitude. He does his utmost to preserve the monastery’s quiet and the comfort of the monks who have left the noise of the world and for whom noise is inappropriate.
In contrast, some visit monasteries as part of excursions, raising their voices, creating disturbance, moving about excessively, and bringing children who run and shout, filling the monastery with chaos. The monks suffer from all this. And if the monks withdraw during fasting periods and restrict visits, complaints and protests arise, with attempts to obtain exceptions. Such visitors think of themselves, not of the comfort of the monastery or the monks.
This reminds me of a story about Pope Theophilus. When this holy pope wished to visit St. Arsenius the hermit in the desert of Scetis, Arsenius said, “If the pope comes to me, I will open to him. If I open to him, I will not be able to close the door to anyone. And if I open to everyone, I will not be able to remain in this place.”
When the pope heard this, he said, “It is better that we do not go to him, lest we drive him away from here,” and he asked for his prayers without visiting him. Thus, the holy pope thought of the hermit’s comfort, not his own.
What then shall we say about those who repeatedly visit a hermit with visits and conversations until they draw him out of his solitude and deprive it of its spiritual fruit?
• Let us take this as a lesson regarding visits in general.
Even family visits among laypeople should have limits in time, in the nature of conversation, and in whether the visit was pre-arranged. How long should it last so as not to disrupt the host’s responsibilities or privacy? Some people do not value others’ time or obligations and even accuse them of lacking hospitality if they do not encourage a longer stay. Such people care about their own comfort, not that of others.
• Sometimes visits involve exhausting topics.
Topics that others may not wish to hear or that may harm them spiritually—such as speaking about others’ lives, personal conflicts, political debates, news, or spreading harmful or incorrect information. Or they may ask intrusive questions about matters others consider private secrets and become upset if these secrets are not revealed. Such visits are far from comforting.
• Something similar may happen when going to a confessor.
A penitent may see a long line waiting for confession, yet prolong his own session when he could shorten it to give others a chance. In doing so, he disregards not only others’ time, but also the confessor’s time, health, and fatigue—seeking his own comfort at the expense of others.
• We must consider others in all our conversations.
The spiritual person thinks of others when he speaks—how his words may build, comfort, and benefit the listener. He does not probe into others’ private matters without their consent, nor burden them with words they do not wish to hear. He avoids confusing people or drawing them into matters that do not concern them.
He also observes the listener’s time and expressions—whether the person is distressed, unwilling to continue, or anxious about time. He never pressures someone to talk about what they do not wish to discuss. In meetings, he does not monopolize the conversation but gives others the opportunity to speak and express their thoughts.
• Another essential point is the danger of causing others to stumble.
For example, someone who seeks her own comfort even by causing others to stumble—such as a woman who pursues adornment and elegance in a provocative manner, or who overdoes jewelry to arouse jealousy and envy among other women, merely to appear the most elegant or wealthy at a gathering.
The spiritual woman, if invited to a celebration, considers others’ feelings in her appearance. Her adornment does not burden others but remains within reasonable limits. Let it not be the mirror that guides behavior, but purity of heart and sensitivity toward others.
Another example:
Someone returning from abroad insists on holding a wedding during the Holy Fast. The Church apologizes for refusing, since this contradicts ecclesiastical rules and the spirit of fasting, which is a time of asceticism, not festivity. Yet the person persists and threatens to marry outside the Church, seeking his “comfort” at the expense of others—though this is not true comfort, as he begins married life not with the Church’s blessing but by embarrassing it and violating its rules and the spirituality of fasting.
Many marital problems arise because one party seeks comfort at the expense of the other: a wife who exhausts her husband with demands beyond his financial ability; children who make unreasonable demands without considering their parents’ circumstances; a jealous husband whose insecurity restricts his wife’s freedom; or a jealous, quarrelsome wife who interrogates her husband about his movements, turning the home into a place of misery over baseless jealousy.
• Another example is displaying knowledge to embarrass others.
Someone may ask questions he knows others cannot answer, just to display his superiority, then present the answers in a way that shows he alone knows. Or he may cite references and technical terms to expose others’ ignorance, or use foreign words and explain them to prove others wrong—seeking self-comfort through love of display, regardless of others’ fatigue.
• Likewise, seniors who give no opportunity to younger people.
They monopolize positions in universities, journalism, business, or even church councils, refusing to make room for others. Innovations may face resistance simply to preserve the old order. A treasurer may refuse to release funds just to boast that the balance increased during his term, unconcerned about activities, projects, or the needs of the poor—placing his reputation above the comfort of others and the effectiveness of service.
Many sins fall under the principle of acting against the comfort of others: theft, fraud, usury, tax evasion, shirking work to burden colleagues, underpaying workers, bribery, and all forms of injustice and exploitation. Such people seek their own gain regardless of others’ suffering—like Ahab, who fabricated charges against Naboth to seize his vineyard.
This also includes scapegoating—placing blame on others to escape responsibility—whether in business or personal life, as in the story of Potiphar’s wife with Joseph.
Another example is releasing one’s inner tension by venting anger on others—through rage, insults, or humiliation—seeking relief without regard for others’ psychological well-being. This includes abusing authority, arrogance, contempt, disregard for feelings, ruthless competition, and obstructing others’ success. Sadly, such behavior appears even in crowded places and, at times, in sacred contexts—where personal comfort and self-display overshadow respect for others.
In all this, we forget the words of Scripture: “In honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10).
The spiritual person understands true comfort as peace of conscience. For this, he offers himself and sacrifices what he has and desires for the comfort of others. He continually sets before him the comfort of eternity, which he reaches by comforting others here on earth—no matter how much he may suffer in doing so.
