Elements of Interaction Within the Family
Elements of Interaction Within the Family
There are essential elements necessary for healthy interaction within the family in order to preserve its stability and well-being. Among the most important of these elements is understanding.
Parents need to understand the psychology of their children at every stage of life and the appropriate way to deal with each stage. They should know how to deal with the shy child, the mischievous child, the aggressive child, the selfish child, and the stubborn child—each according to his or her nature. Likewise, the husband should understand the woman’s psychology and temperament, and the wife should understand the man’s mentality and emotional nature. Each should deal with the other in a way that suits this understanding.
A wise woman, in order to be a successful wife, should realize how to deal with her husband. She speaks to him with information that satisfies him, without boasting or belittling him with her knowledge so as not to wound his pride. A wise woman preserves her husband’s dignity. She can convince him in matters of truth without making him feel that she is leading or controlling him. In times of his distress, she tolerates him and does not add burden to his burden, but rather tries to ease it as much as possible. If silence suits him, she remains silent; if laughter suits him, she makes him laugh; if he is ready for dialogue, she engages him in discussion.
If there is affection and trust between spouses, each will speak openly about what troubles him. If affection and trust are lacking, both should strive to establish them. Spouses may at times express reproach in an objective way, free from harshness. Reproach should not be constant, for excessive reproach removes feelings of love and respect. Nor should reproach turn into an attempt by each party to prove the other wrong, or be expressed in a hurtful way that makes the other feel a loss of trust or appreciation. In marriage, it is not healthy for either spouse to act as a constant inspector of the other’s behavior, holding them accountable for every action, forgetting past acts of love, or assuming bad intentions.
It is dangerous for either spouse to feel that marriage has deprived them of their freedom, making them restricted in every action—questioned about every word, visit, smile, or innocent admiration—within an exhausting atmosphere of doubt, surveillance, or control. Even more dangerous is when this turns into an atmosphere of constant tension and misery, for many marriages have failed because of such negativity.
Another essential element for family calm is patience. A mother, for example, needs to be emotionally balanced and not make her children victims of her psychological or physical exhaustion, or of conflicts with her husband or others. Children should not bear the burden of her nervousness, irritability, or inability to endure. She should not shout, scold, or resort to harm. Children may adopt such behavior in their dealings with one another, whereas she is supposed to be a role model for them in everything. At times of anger, she should set limits for both the cause and expression of anger, so that it becomes a lesson the children can understand, without turning into violence, inappropriate language, or empty threats.
Another necessary element in dealing with children is affection. It is beneficial for children to be filled with parental affection so that they do not seek it from unsafe external sources. Affection, however, must be wise and should not turn into harmful indulgence that spoils their upbringing, allows careless behavior, or leads one parent—especially the mother—to justify or conceal their mistakes. Affection also includes providing what children need without waiting for them to ask, which leaves a positive impact on their hearts and encourages them to respond with love. This giving, however, should be reasonable, not excessive or wasteful, so children do not grow up expecting every demand to be fulfilled regardless of the family’s circumstances.
Children also love a sense of joy and cheerfulness in the home. Cheerful parents win their children’s affection. Even guests and relatives who are cheerful are loved by children, who enjoy their repeated visits. If children do not find joy at home, they will seek it outside the family, with uncertain consequences. Joy in the home should be disciplined and have clear boundaries, so children learn what kind of humor is acceptable, with whom, and to what extent, and how cheerfulness does not turn into foolishness.
Another essential element in family life is wisdom—wisdom in raising children, in interaction between spouses, in solving problems, and in dealing with mistakes. Some matters require firm intervention, while others are better left for a time, so that parents do not assume the role of police officers within their own home.
Finally, among the essential elements for a stable family is respect and appreciation. This begins with mutual respect between spouses and their appreciation of one another, including exchanging words of courtesy and gratitude that may sometimes be neglected under the pretext of familiarity. Familiarity should never eliminate respect. Mutual respect between spouses becomes a lesson for their children. A cultured, wise woman can speak to her husband in ways that earn respect for her intellect and knowledge, unlike one who speaks only of trivial household matters and cannot engage in meaningful discussion. Respect should also extend to children, relatives, and friends.
