(Decision) to Leave the Service!
(Decision) to Leave the Service! [1]
Question
I feel that my self has not died completely, so I decided to leave the service until I reach this level, and then after that I will serve, because I am not worthy. What is your opinion?
Answer
Your decision to leave the service—was it a personal decision, or guidance from your father of confession? How dangerous it is to walk in your spiritual life or in your service based on emotions and personal decisions without guidance.
Then what is the fault of the small children whom you serve, if you leave the service whenever you feel that your self has not died completely? Does the service become disturbed because of your feelings, and because of your personal judgments about yourself?
Complete death of the self is a spiritual level that perhaps the majority of people cannot enter into its depths. Rather, a person’s life is a continuous struggle to reach this level, or to remain steadfast in it. Does this mean that there is service only for a very small group of people, and that everyone else does not serve?!
The level of complete death of the self, or complete denial of the self, which the Apostle Paul spoke about when he said: “It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me”—if you reach this level, you may not even feel that you have reached it. Because the more a person reaches a spiritual level, deeper spiritual dimensions are revealed to him that make him feel that he has not yet arrived.
Perhaps this is part of what the Apostle Paul meant when he said: “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold
