Provocative Coldness
Provocative Coldness
Question:
My husband has a kind of coldness in his temperament. He can annoy or provoke me, to the point that I become angry and nervous and raise my voice. This only makes him colder. And if my outburst against his coldness increases, he may sometimes resort to hitting me. What should I do regarding this coldness?
Answer:
Do not treat the fault that is in him with another fault that comes from you.
And this coldness that characterizes him, does he actually intend by it to annoy you? Or does your outburst against him happen without his intention?
If he intends to annoy you, then by your annoyance and outburst you enable him to achieve his purpose. He becomes even colder so that you may become more annoyed and more agitated, and he holds against you the fault in what comes from you during your outburst…
Therefore, my advice to you is to put your nerves in a special refrigerator, or to put them in a Deep Freezer. Meet your husband’s coldness with even greater coldness. And when he finds that he has not been able to annoy you, he will change his manner of dealing with you.
But why does he want to annoy you? Examine with yourself the reasons for this.
No doubt you began your marital relationship with a relationship of love. So why did the love grow cold and fade, until it turned into a desire to annoy?
If the reason is from you, try to remedy it, and begin a new married life in which you restore the old love.
And if the reason is attributable to him, look for reasons to stimulate him and remove the coldness that currently characterizes him.
- Try to talk to him about matters that he likes, not about subjects that concern you and which he meets with coldness…
- If he likes humor, prepare for him a collection of new jokes that could make a stone laugh, and not just your husband.
- If he likes quietness, do not disturb his quietness. Rather, leave him at ease until he himself begins the conversation.
- Do not open a conversation about a subject that you know he hates talking about.
- Do not be talkative in your speech. Most men do not feel comfortable with a talkative woman who prolongs speaking without benefit and repeats an explanation of one point that does not need explanation. Even the most polite men may prefer silence in such a situation, and the woman calls his silence coldness…
Be attractive continually, so that he is drawn to your conversation and your voice; indeed, your silence itself may stimulate him, causing him to ask you to speak…
- The nature of coldness is treated by stimulation. Stimulation is of two kinds: a kind that causes anger, and an enjoyable kind. Good stimulation creates good feelings in the heart. So be of the good kind.
- Do not let life at home pass in a boring, monotonous routine. This routine may result in coldness or boredom.
- Beware of boredom or weariness entering your husband’s life. For this is a danger to marital relationships.
- In general, be wise, and test what increases his coldness and what removes it.
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