The Wise Winner of Souls
The Wise Winner of Souls
- Do not be critical
- Do not be arrogant toward others
- When to close your eyes
- Philosophy or spirituality?
- Save him instead of shaming him
- You win your servants and your fellow workers
- The method of praise and encouragement
- The virtue of good listening
- Praise with truth and sincerity
- Making concessions for others’ weaknesses
- Make people feel your love
- Accepting discussion and opposition
- The example of the Lord Christ
- The way of discussion and the way of command
- Encourage the fainthearted
- Win God and you will win people
We spoke about this topic in the previous issue, in which we wrote an introduction about winning souls, and about how souls can be won by love and by wisdom, with five observations on how to win souls for God. Today we present other rules in the wisdom of winning souls, including:
Do not be critical
There are people who see in others nothing but their faults, and who look at others only through dark lenses. They continually criticize and lose people through their criticism…
But the spiritual person does not criticize much and does not judge much. If there is a spiritual reason for criticism, he criticizes with wisdom, with love, and with gentleness, and thus he wins people.
The Lord Christ, who will come in His glory to judge the living and the dead, says: “For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved” (John 3:17).
If you want to win people, walk as the Lord Christ walked. Instead of occupying yourself with condemning them, work for their salvation…
Instead of judging them, have compassion on them. Instead of rebuking them for their mistakes, help them get rid of those mistakes.
In the story of the sinful woman who was caught in the very act, those who dealt with her harshly and judged her, demanding that she be stoned, could not win her. But the Lord Christ was able to win her soul by defending her against her accusers, then saying to her: “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more” (John 8:11).
People need an eye that is closed, not opened to stare at their faults and scrutinize what they do. They need an eye that, if it sees a mistake, acts as though it saw nothing…
They need compassionate, tender hearts that fully understand the weakness of human nature and the ease of its fall, that pity people when they fall and pray for them to rise again… and thus you win them…
You cannot win people if you constantly contemplate their faults, examine their defects, speak about them before others, belittle them because of them, or reproach them with them. Thus you wound their feelings and do not win them.
We live in a world hungry for compassion, tenderness, and gentle treatment. Saint Paul the Apostle mentioned that kindness is among the “fruit of the Spirit” (Gal 5:22). Therefore, deal with people kindly.
Do not keep your eye open to their faults, but open to see their virtues.
Your focus on people’s mistakes may drive them to despair or to low self-esteem, and it does not make them feel your respect or your appreciation of their condition and your desire to save them…
As a servant, you can save them from their mistakes without shaming them.
An exception to this are those who live in a state of permissiveness and indifference and need someone to awaken them from their spiritual slumber so that they may know the danger they are in and have their path enlightened.
Even these need someone to rebuke them without making them feel despised, rebuking them in the manner of one who loves and saves.
Believe me, just as people are hungry for compassion and tenderness, they are also hungry for praise and encouragement…
Praise that makes them feel there is something good in them, lifting their morale and making them feel capable of a righteous life.
The method of praise and encouragement
Be completely sure that the person whom you praise with truth and sincerity is easy to win. Likewise, the one whom you encourage often, you win. The one whose virtues, qualities, and abilities you reveal and speak about—you can win him by this.
Through all this, you make him feel your love and appreciation, so he inclines toward you and becomes ready to listen to your advice and accept your spiritual work for him.
Imagine that you are in a meeting attended for the first time by a new member. You introduce him to those present, explain his talents, capabilities, history, and productivity, and show your joy at his presence. Without doubt, you win him, as he finds in you a friend who respects and appreciates him.
But praising people does not mean flattering them. No. Every person—no matter who he is—has a quality or qualities. Discover them and praise them with truth and sincerity.
The Lord Christ found something good worthy of praise in Zacchaeus the tax collector, in the Samaritan woman, and in the sinful woman who washed His feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head… Even in the rich young man, it was said of the Lord: “Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him” (Mark 10:21). He also said to the Samaritan woman: “You have well said… this you spoke truly” (John 4:17–18). And He said of the weeping sinful woman that she “loved much” (Luke 7:47), explaining how she was better than Simon the Pharisee.
In all this, the Lord discovered the gem buried in the mud, cleansed it, praised it, and revealed it to people, thus winning it—and the winner of souls is wise.
Saul of Tarsus was a persecutor of the Church, and “if he found any who were of the Way, whether men or women, he brought them bound to Jerusalem” (Acts 9:2). Yet there was something good inside him that Christ saw and chose him as an apostle to build the Kingdom. Discovering the inner light hidden by outward darkness is a beautiful and encouraging thing.
There are many who labor and find no one to appreciate them, who struggle and find no one to encourage them. Raise the morale of these and you will win them.
Like a child who works hard in his studies and gets high grades but is unnoticed at home, forcing him to draw attention to his excellence himself. How happy that child is with someone who discovers his excellence and encourages him without his having to speak about himself…
Do not think encouragement is only for the young; adults also need it.
Just as your servant needs encouragement to continue his sincerity and dedication to you, so your superior needs encouragement to continue his good treatment of you and others.
The owner of a house is delighted by a word of greeting and appreciation he hears from his doorman, and says that this doorman is the best he has known—not because of his dedication to work, but because of the kind word, praise, and thanks.
People always need a kind word that makes them happy, and they love the one who says it.
A person who has a sweet tongue, good speech, a cheerful face, and good treatment of people can win the whole world and those in it—except those who completely surrender to the leadership of demons.
Because of people’s need for a kind word, God gave them the Gospel, which means “good news.” The Lord began His Sermon on the Mount with the Beatitudes, and the word “Blessed” means happiness and blessing together.
The Lord continually encouraged, even praising the seed that produced only thirty, saying it was good seed like that which produced sixty and a hundred.
The wise person is gentle, encourages people, and does not judge them; therefore, he wins them.
The Lord Christ did not condemn but encouraged, although all people’s sins—hidden and manifest—were revealed and known to Him, even the feelings of the heart and the thoughts, intentions, and suspicions.
If He, who knows all sins and all secrets with certainty, did not rebuke anyone, how about us, who do not fully know the truth? Perhaps much of our criticism contains suspicion, doubt, or injustice, and we may judge people unjustly so that they hate us and we do not win them.
Even if there is a certain fault in people, we treat it with a kind word and win them. How beautiful is the Scripture’s saying: “Encourage the fainthearted” (1 Thess 5:14).
Encourage the small, honor and respect the great, praise the excellent, and do not despise the weak.
The wise, kind winner of souls distributes words of encouragement and blessing to everyone and treats all with gentleness, as Scripture says: “Bless and do not curse” (Rom 12:14).
Take this exercise and apply it: try to win people. Give every person his due dignity; honor all. Win their love for you so that you may lead them to the love of God. Look at the good in people and encourage it. Win them by encouragement and also by humility.
Win them by humility
People do not love the one who looks down on them and speaks to them from above, as though he were on a higher level than they. They love the humble person who does not make them feel he is above them.
Therefore, in winning people, beware of arrogance, which repels people and distances them from you.
In your sermons, avoid the style of displaying information and boasting of knowledge. Focus on what they need in their spiritual life. Do not use words or expressions they do not understand in order to show that you understand what they do not…
Be humble in your style, simple in your expression, explaining the deepest meanings in the simplest words. Beware of turning religion into philosophy. Remember the saying of Saint Paul the Apostle: “And I, brethren, when I came to you, did not come with excellence of speech or of wisdom…” (1 Cor 2:1). “And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power” (1 Cor 2:4).
In your service, you are not building yourself by what you say; rather, you are building others.
Therefore, be humble in your service and do not make service a field for self, for there is no winning of people in that. Those whose goal is self may make the center of attention in their sermons language or information rather than spiritual impact, or their goal may be people’s admiration rather than leading people to repentance.
The wise winner of souls must not only win those he serves but also win his fellow servants.
The humble servant does not overshadow others but gives them the opportunity to work. He does not overpower other servants, remembering the apostolic saying: “In honor giving preference to one another” (Rom 12:10).
In a meeting, he does not take the entire session for himself but gives others room to speak. He does not interrupt them, belittle their opinion, or try to prove that he is deeper in thought or greater in knowledge. Rather, he praises what his fellow servants say—even if they are his disciples.
He possesses the virtue of good listening.
People love him for his listening, and when he speaks, he may say: “I liked so-and-so’s opinion on this,” “One of the beautiful points was what so-and-so said,” “I agree with so-and-so,” or “I benefited greatly from what so-and-so said.”
Thus people admire both his speech and his listening.
The wise, humble servant does not ignore anyone or belittle anyone but respects all, and people love him for his humility.
The Lord Christ humbled Himself by entering the house of Zacchaeus the tax collector and by giving Matthew the tax collector a position by making him an apostle. He entered the houses of sinners and allowed the sinful woman to touch His feet and wipe them with her hair. He also gave importance to children.
Thus all loved Him, and He won all, leading them by His love and humility to the Kingdom.
After his victory over Goliath and his appointment as commander over the men of war, David the prophet was able to win all the people because he did not exalt himself above them. They “loved David because he went out and came in before them” (1 Sam 18:16).
The wise, humble servant also wins people by descending to their weaknesses.
Among the examples of the Lord Christ’s condescension to people’s weaknesses is that He visited Nicodemus at night and secretly, as Nicodemus was afraid of the Jews. The Lord did not force him to declare his relationship with Him before he was able to bear it. Thus He won him, and later his belonging was declared.
God also condescended to the weakness of the Magi. They observed the stars, so He showed them a heavenly power in the form of a wondrous star in its movements and direction, in its journey and stopping, thus drawing them to faith. When they believed, He no longer guided them by a star but “they were divinely warned in a dream” (Matt 2:12).
Likewise, God condescended to all humanity by His incarnation and won them thereby.
He who condescends to people’s weakness wins them; but he who deals with them from his lofty tower cannot reach their hearts or minds.
Do not be like the philosopher who speaks only in a complicated style and does not condescend to simplify his knowledge for people, so that only a small group gathers around him—his admirers and disciples who can understand him.
Nor be like the writer whom someone reproached saying, “Why do you not say what can be understood?” and he replied arrogantly, “Why do you not understand what is said?”
Endure people’s limited understanding. If they argue with you about your teaching, do not flare up or rebuke them.
The wise, humble servant does not consider his words immune from debate, discussion, and dialogue. He does not try to impose his opinion on people, nor consider discussion of his words an insult. Rather, with love and humility he responds and is never distressed by opposition to his opinion, as though his words were dogmas.
Imposing opinion convinces no one and therefore wins no one. The one who imposes his opinion in matters of service repels everyone.
The servant who lives in his service and in his dealings with fellow servants or those he serves by a style of command and prohibition, authority and administration, cannot win those who work with him. Either everyone is repelled from him and he reaches isolation in work, or the service environment turns into a field of conflicts that strip the service of its spirituality.
The path of persuasion and understanding may be much longer than the path of authority or force, but it is more stable and deeper in effect.
It is the spiritual style characterized by meekness and humility, and it is also a wise style because it leads to sound practical results.
Even if you are completely right and the other is completely wrong, be patient and endure until you convince him. Do not think that by violence you can ignore him or eliminate his opinion in service.
The wise servant wins people by endurance, long-suffering, and breadth of heart.
For the sake of winning people, he endures every hurtful word and every rejection. He endures people’s refusal of him and their arguments and discussions, even their mockery of him, for the sake of the Lord and for the salvation of the soul. If he does not endure, he may lose positions and his service may fail.
The humble servant wins those of least understanding and greatest stubbornness through his tact, politeness, lack of arrogance, refraining from rebuking people, and care for everyone’s feelings.
As for the unwise or unhumble servant, or the narrow-hearted servant, because of his confidence in his intelligence, knowledge, or position, he may dislike people’s ideas and actions and multiply rebukes until he loses them.
He scolds one, criticizes another, speaks harshly to a third, or advises with a hurtful style, mockery, or sarcasm, making harsh comments about others’ way of thinking and level of understanding. Thus he loses everyone by comparing in his heart his intelligence with their weak thinking.
Many have great minds but, at the same time, small hearts and even smaller psyches.
Therefore, they fail in service—not because of mind or knowledge, but because of self-loving hearts, quickly constricted psyches, or tense nerves. In all this, their minds do not help them with solutions, because their psychological state did not give the great mind a chance to act; rather, the nerves took the lead.
Therefore, we present an important advice:
Win God and you will win people
Be a spiritual person before you enter service to teach people spirituality. Know the path that leads to God so that you may lead others to Him. Win God first; then you will win yourself established in God. If you win yourself, you will win people by example before teaching. You will also know the wise method by which you can win people’s love for you and their love for God.
If you win God but do not win yourself, then wait and do not venture into service, lest they reproach you saying: “Physician, heal yourself first!”
When you “first remove the plank from your own eye, then you will see clearly,” and you will know how to “remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matt 7:5).
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