The Happy Family Is United by Understanding and Love
The Happy Family Is United by Understanding and Love
The very first relationship a human being forms in life is his relationship with his mother, then his relationship with his father. Without them, he would not have existed, and without them, he would not have remained as he is now. The slightest mistake committed by the mother or the father in raising the child and caring for him is sufficient to change the destiny of that child and the course of his life. Therefore, among the foremost duties of children is gratitude toward their parents.
For this reason, God commanded love, obedience, and respect toward parents. The commandment to honor parents is the first of the commandments related to human relationships that was written among the Ten Commandments and handed down to us through Moses the prophet.
How harsh it is on a mother’s heart to toil for a long lifetime for her child, only for him, when he grows up, to deny her as though he does not know her. A person who betrays his mother and forgets her love finds it difficult to be faithful to anyone among people. Even if the mother has present faults, it is not right to forget all her past toil. A little love, tenderness, and respect shown to her is more than enough to melt her feelings, and she will respond with quick warmth.
Love for parents is an instinct within us; therefore, deviating from it is a kind of abnormality, against our nature. It is a virtue that requires no effort on our part to acquire. For this reason, the punishment of the disobedient child was very severe. Thus Scripture says: “Cursed is the one who treats his father or his mother with contempt” (Deut. 27:16). And in the Proverbs of Solomon the Wise it says: “The eye that mocks a father and scorns obedience to a mother, the ravens of the valley will pluck it out, and the young eagles will eat it” (Prov. 30:17).
There are many ways to honor parents, among them success in life. Without doubt, a successful child gladdens his mother’s heart and lifts up his father’s head. Whereas the failed or ignorant child is bitterness of heart to his father and mother, and a cause of shame and disgrace to them both. Therefore, a child’s success is considered among the greatest gifts he can offer his parents. But if he is a failure in his life, his father does not know where to hide his face. Augustine, during the period of his error, was a source of bitter tears for his mother, Saint Monica.
Among the manifestations of honoring parents is caring for them and supporting them, especially in cases of old age, illness, and need.
I read a story whose meaning is that once an enemy army invaded a country and the soldiers killed everyone in it. In that town there were two young men who were acquainted with the commander of the army that invaded the city, and they had previously done him a favor which he wished to repay. He said to them: “Carry the most precious thing you have and flee the city quickly, and I guarantee your safety.” The two young men entered their home to carry the most precious thing they had. One of them carried his father, and the other carried his mother, and they left the city.
Among honoring parents also are love and respect, provided that this love is practical as well. Thus the child works to give his parents rest, to gain their satisfaction, and to obtain their blessing. He shows them his love continually. He continues to do so even after their death, preserving each one’s commandment and offering prayers on their behalf.
It is not right for a child to deal with his parents on the same level—word for word, anger for anger, criticism for criticism. They have the right to rebuke him, and it is his duty to listen without responding. Rather, he should try to benefit from their rebuke, remembering the saying of Scripture: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Prov. 27:6).
Among the signs of respecting parents is serving them in everything they need, without their asking for it. Rather, the child should be extremely sensitive in this regard, perceiving what his parents require and bringing it to them without forcing them to ask. When the mother of King Solomon entered to visit him, he rose from his throne, bowed to her to the ground, brought a chair, and seated her beside him.
Among the signs of respecting parents is not being ashamed of their status if they are poor. Joseph the Righteous, when he was the deputy of Pharaoh in Egypt and his chief minister, was not ashamed of his father Jacob, who was a shepherd; he presented him to the king, and Pharaoh honored him for his sake. It is also a mistake for a son to think that his father belongs to an old generation that has passed away, or to an obsolete era with backward traditions.
Among the signs of honoring parents are obedience and submission. This obedience must be true, coming from the heart; prompt without delay; without murmuring, but with satisfaction and trust; obedience even in their absence; obedience without deceit. It must also be sincere obedience, not merely formal obedience.
For there may be a child who wishes to obey his parents only outwardly. If they refuse him a request, he keeps pressuring and insisting, pressuring and insisting; he may become upset and saddened, and he continues like this until he obtains their approval. He then does what he wishes and boasts that he has never disobeyed his parents, while he knows perfectly well that their approval was merely formal, obtained through his pressure, and that it was only an approval of the lips, not of the heart. Truly, this child has obeyed in appearance, but he has not gained his parents’ satisfaction nor given rest to their hearts by his behavior.
One of the conditions of a child’s obedience to his parents is that it be holy obedience within the limits of God’s commandments. It is not right to obey a father or a mother in what contradicts God’s commandments, or to obey a deviant parent who leads him away from the way of the Lord, for obedience to God comes first. As Scripture says: “We ought to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).
Be obedient and submissive in everything, with all humility even unto death for the sake of your parents. Deny yourself, deny your own will, deny your dignity—but do not deny your conscience.
For this reason, parents must be precise and gentle in their commands. Every command they issue to the child must be filled with wisdom, in agreement with the Word of God, and within the child’s ability to carry out. The commandment of God that tells us: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord” (Eph. 6:1), also says: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Col. 3:21).
It is not right to take half the truth and forget the other half. We must know that every right is matched by a duty. The father has the right to be obeyed, and he has the duty to command what is fitting and to consider his child’s feelings—and likewise the mother.
The mother who places her son in confusion and difficulty—whom should he please first, his mother or his wife?—is a harsh mother toward her son. If she loves him, there is no need to embarrass him by quarreling with his wife. Be gentle with your children, lest they become discouraged.
We return to honoring parents and say that this commandment can extend beyond the scope of physical kinship.
There are many kinds of fatherhood and motherhood that must be honored. There is a type of kinship at the level of fatherhood and motherhood, such as an uncle or maternal uncle, an aunt or maternal aunt. There is the fatherhood of age—that is, honoring elders who are of the age of parents. There is spiritual fatherhood, such as the teacher, the priest, the spiritual guide, the confessor, and the holy fathers in our history. There is the fatherhood of authority, which includes obedience to leaders. Above all, there is the fatherhood of God toward us.
There is also the fatherhood of the homeland: we are all children of Egypt, and we are all children of the Nile. We are all children of our beloved homeland, which we must honor on Family Day and at all times.
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