Father Confessor: His Conditions, Gifts, and Work
Father Confessor: His Conditions, Gifts, and Work
We spoke in a previous article about the father confessor and the confession session, and we continue our talk in this article about the father confessor—his conditions, his gifts, and his work.
Not every priest has the special gifts of a father confessor.
And the successful father confessor is sought by people from everywhere, and his children become very many—not only from the church he serves, but from many churches, and perhaps from other countries.
Certain qualities are required in him; we will mention some of them here.
He must be an expert in souls.
An expert in human nature in general, and in the soul of the one confessing to him in particular. According to the type of his personality, he deals with him. For the nature of a woman is not the nature of a man, and the nature of a boy is not the nature of an adolescent, nor the nature of a mature man, nor the nature of an elderly person. And the nature of the sick is not the nature of the healthy.
A person may pass through certain circumstances in which he is in a special psychological state unlike his usual condition, and he needs to be dealt with in a way suitable to his case.
Therefore, the spiritual remedy that the father confessor prescribes for a single sin is not the same for all confessors…
And the father confessor must know how to distinguish between a spiritual state and psychological or mental illness.
For the confessor who is sad in repentance for his sins is not the same as the one afflicted with depression, and the two must be distinguished.
He must also distinguish between tears that seek sympathy and tears that come from repentance.
The one who complains about the treatment he receives from his family and friends may be truthful in his complaint, and he is not the one suffering from a persecution complex.
The one who errs out of ignorance is not like the one who errs carelessly or indifferently.
The father confessor must know how to distinguish between the spiritual person who loves solitude and retreat, and the withdrawn person who hates society and does not know how to deal with people.
He should also be an expert in the landmarks of the spiritual path,
so that he may lead people in it with knowledge and wisdom, step by step, far from the leaps by which some try to reach quickly and without foundation, and far from the negligence by which some delay without justification or excuse.
He must know the spiritual levels and how to move from one to another, in a calm and steady manner.
The father confessor must know spiritual warfare and its characteristics, and the ways to resist it.
He must know the tricks of the devil and the ways he enters the soul to mislead it and deceive it. He must also be familiar with the difficulties and obstacles faced by anyone seeking to reach God, and he must be gentle with the confessors. As the apostle said: “Comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all.” (1 Thessalonians 5:14).
And he must know when to encourage and when to rebuke.
He encourages the despairing person who may be led by despair to destruction, and he encourages the weak who needs someone to support him lest he fall, and he encourages the one who is under a severe and pressing spiritual battle lest he give in without divine help.
But he rebukes the careless person who does not realize the danger of his sin and its consequences, who is so accustomed to sin that his conscience is no longer enough to restrain him, and he needs an external conscience to admonish him…
In rebuke, the father confessor must understand how much the confessor can accept and endure. He must be wise in his rebuke so as not to wound the confessor’s feelings and drive him away from confession. Rather, he must first convince him, and within that conviction the confessor becomes ready for rebuke and for discipline according to what he can bear.
The father confessor must be a student of Scripture and of the laws of the Church,
so that his guidance agrees with the good will of God in the dispensation of mankind. And if the confessor asks him a question, he answers in accordance with correct teaching.
He must be spiritual in leading others, and it is not permissible for him—in embarrassment over his lack of knowledge—to answer with any response that comes to his mind, even if it is wrong or unreliable.
The father confessor must not be extreme in his guidance.
He must not be harsh in an improper way, burdening confessors with what they cannot bear, loading them with heavy burdens difficult to carry, as the Lord reproached the scribes for in that time (Matthew 23:4). Rather, he must give spiritual advice within what the confessors can do, within the scope of their abilities and capacities. And how beautiful are the words of the apostles regarding the acceptance of the Gentiles: “We should not trouble those who are turning to God from among the Gentiles.” (Acts 15:19).
Conditions of the Father Confessor
- The father confessor must be an expert in human nature:
He knows its weaknesses and its battles, and is an expert in spiritual life, and the devil’s tricks and deceptions. He must be an expert in the spiritual path, able to answer any spiritual question directed to him. He must also be knowledgeable about psychological and mental illnesses and able to distinguish them from certain spiritual states—distinguishing, for example, between spiritual tears and depression, and also between withdrawal and the love of solitude and retreat.
I remember when I was a bishop, a girl came to me complaining that her mother was trying to poison her by putting poison in her sandwich. It turned out that all of this was delusion, and she was suffering from a type of schizophrenia and persecution complex. I sent her to a psychiatrist to treat her. - The father confessor must also be knowledgeable about God’s commandments and how to implement them.
He must know the boundaries of what is permitted and what is forbidden, for “the priest’s lips should keep knowledge” (Malachi 2:7).
He must know, for example, the commandments concerning vows, firstfruits, and tithes.
He must know how to answer correctly regarding modern inventions such as radio, television, and video—what is permissible or forbidden in them, and the difference between the invention and the manner of using it.
He must also know how to answer questions concerning abortion, birth control, organ transplantation, scientific fertilization, genetic engineering, etc. - The father confessor must be intelligent and mature in thought.
He must understand what the sinner wants to hint at without stating it explicitly, and help him complete his confession—as the Lord Christ did with the Samaritan woman (John 4).
He must know how to solve the problems brought before him with knowledgeable experience. - The father confessor must be comforting to souls.
This does not mean comforting them at the expense of God’s commandments by pleasing them in everything they want. Rather, he comforts them in understanding, in good treatment, in solving their spiritual and social problems, without pressuring them with advice they cannot carry out, and without rebuking them in a way that hurts their psyche.
He must have experience, knowledge, fatherhood, intelligence, and memory.
We mean memory in spiritual matters, in following the confessor in the spiritual plan he sets for him, and in tracking his spiritual exercises. - The father confessor must act according to proper pastoral discernment and not show favoritism.
He must not flatter members of the church council, nor wealthy donors, nor people with high positions. He must speak the truth plainly without hurting anyone. Wrong is wrong, no matter who commits it, whether great or of high rank… - The father confessor must keep the secrecy of confession,
whether directly or indirectly—through hints or indications that allow others to deduce what he means or whom he means.
Even if asked in court, he must not reveal confession, for confession falls under what the law calls “professional secrecy,” like the secrecy kept by a lawyer for a defendant, or by an accountant or a bank for someone’s finances, or by a doctor regarding his patient’s secrets which would harm him if revealed… - The father confessor must have the virtue of endurance.
He endures those confessing to him, their psychological states, their sins, their troubles, their problems. He endures their pressures—such as those who insist that he agree to something or else they become angry. He does not give in to their demands but explains what is correct. If they become annoyed with him, he endures their annoyance.
He also endures the pressures of the confessor’s family who want him to guide their son in a particular way—such as pressuring him in fasting, or preventing him from dedicating his life to God, or from much service, or from visiting monasteries… The father confessor must submit only to his conscience and the guidance of the Spirit of God. And he must convince the family of what is correct without revealing the son’s spiritual condition.
Thus the confessor feels that his father confessor receives his guidance from the Spirit of God and not from family pressures. - The father confessor must give time to his children.
He must allocate days for confession, and not be in too much of a hurry receiving confessions.
He must not make his children feel that their confessions are a burden upon him.
He must check on them, ask about them, and make them feel they are the focus of his care.
The problem is that the well-known father confessors are mostly busy and lack sufficient time, which creates a deficiency in ideal confession, guidance, and follow-up. - The father confessor must care about prayer in confessions.
He prays for those confessing to him, for God to solve their problems.
He prays that God may inspire him with correct guidance. He prays before receiving confession, perhaps secretly during it, and also after confession.
Among those known for their prayers related to confessions was the departed Archpriest Mikhail Ibrahim, whose prayers had a unique character. - The father confessor is not merely a recording device to hear confession and stop there!!
Rather, he must be an active element in helping the confessor uncover himself, guiding him spiritually, delivering his soul to God, making the spiritual path easier for him, and progressing with him until he reaches his goal.
If he gives the confessor spiritual exercises, they must be within his ability. He must not give the same exercises to everyone, but to each according to what suits him.
The father confessor must be kind and firm, and must ensure the confessor’s repentance. - There are also rules the father confessor must follow if he disciplines one of his children in confession.
The discipline must be for the confessor’s benefit—not merely for punishment.
It is preferable that the discipline be objective, to heal him from what he erred in. The confessor must feel the spiritual benefit of the discipline. - If there are confessions related to a shared sin,
the father confessor may not insist on knowing the name of the other party involved in the sin.
Such insistence often creates multiple problems.
If the request is out of curiosity, this is a spiritual fault the father confessor must avoid.
If the request is for the sake of guiding the other party, how would he reveal his source of knowledge? That would mean disclosing confession.
If both agree to confess to this priest, then that comes from them—not from his insistence. - The father confessor must be gentle with those who are not accustomed to confession.
He must not squeeze them forcefully to extract everything inside them at once, leaving them psychologically exhausted and wishing they had never confessed.
Confession, like any virtue, grows with practice. As the person grows spiritually and gains trust in the father confessor, he will find himself ready to confess things he had not mentioned before. Whenever he remembers an old sin that was not on his mind at the time of confession, he will be ready—and even eager—to mention it and receive absolution. - The father confessor must encourage people to confess,
especially those who do not know how to confess, or those whom shyness prevents from speaking or revealing what troubles them.
But this encouragement must not be through asking questions that may introduce ideas of sins the person did not know about before.
Not all people know everything about all sins!
He must also teach those who tell long unnecessary stories how to confess properly and concisely. - It is the duty of the father confessor to discuss with the confessor the way to treat his sins.
His work is not merely hearing confession and reading absolution.
One of his main responsibilities is helping the confessor overcome his faults, sins, and bad habits.
This should not be done through mere orders or advice, but through mutual understanding in a way that is practical, beneficial, and suitable to his personality and circumstances. - He must also advise the confessor to correct the consequences of his sin.
If he wronged someone, he must restore what he wronged him in.
If he stole, he must return what he stole—or give up the unlawful money if he cannot return it.
If he defamed someone, he must restore that person’s reputation.
If he offended someone, he must go reconcile with him and apologize.
Reading absolution does not mean that the consequences of sin remain unchanged.
Easy absolution without repentance does not help the confessor.
There are other problems related to confession, such as changing the father confessor, the issue of those who receive Communion while remaining in their sins, the way girls and women confess, the discipline for sin, the spiritual exercises given to confessors, and others.
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