Pride and Humility
We talked in the past two weeks about pride and humility: in the first week about the manifestations of pride, and in the second week about the results of pride… and what corresponds to all of this in humility (its manifestations and its results).
And we want this week to speak about pride and humility in social life in dealing with people.
Pride and Humility
The humble person is a polite and well-mannered person, who treats others well, and is able to win their love in various ways.
1- The humble person respects others:
He respects those who are older than him in age, and those who are higher than him in rank and position, and those who are more knowledgeable and understanding than him, and those who are older than him in kinship as well. But there is more than this:
The humble by nature respects even those who are younger than him or less in everything…
Any person can respect someone older than himself or be obliged to do so. But the humble respects everyone, even those who are younger… The Lord Christ said to John the Baptist, “Allow it now.”
The humble can respect the opinion that opposes him…
The proud cannot bear that anyone oppose him. And it is possible that he belittles every opinion against him. But if you sit with a humble person, you can understand each other, even if your opinion is against his. He accepts it calmly, with love, and with reverence. He does not destroy it, nor does he destroy you.
The proud asks for respect for himself. But the humble gives respect to others.
The proud asks for himself respect, honor, reverence, appreciation, admiration, and praise. He asks to become great in people’s eyes and respected. And he becomes troubled by every person who does not respect him.
But the humble does not take respect nor ask for it. Rather people give it to him. He respects everyone. He speaks politely with everyone, with the small, and with the poor, and with the despised by others. He does not see anyone as trivial, nor anyone as deficient, nor does he distort anyone. And in his respect for people he puts them ahead of himself in everything.
2- The humble puts others ahead of himself:
He always gives others the first place and the first rank.
If he walks on a path, he does not precede others, but lets others go before him. He does not sit while another is standing. And if he wants to sit with someone older than him, he asks his permission before he sits with him. The Paradise of the Monks says: If you are walking on a road, let others precede you so that if they become tired they can sit and rest—without embarrassment—until you catch up with them…
Even in fasting, and in food and drink, he puts others first. And he does not take the appearance of one who is stronger or more pious than others. The Paradise says: “And whoever among you is strong, let him say to the one who is weak—before the time—Come, let us eat. That is, he gives him the opportunity to eat without being ignorant.”
3- The humble covers and does not expose others:
He does not hurt anyone, nor embarrass anyone, nor expose anyone.
Another person may meet someone and keep pressing him with questions about his privacies until he stands naked before him and exposed. And many feel ashamed of being exposed. And they feel discomfort when they are exposed. But the humble does not ever like to embarrass or hurt anyone. And he does not ask others about secrets that embarrass them to reveal.
The proud sometimes loves that people be exposed before him so that he may know their weaknesses, and compare them to his own strength. So people become small in his eyes, and he becomes great in his own eyes. But the humble is not like that.
If the humble sits to eat with others, he does not allow himself to look at them to know how they eat, and how much they eat, and which kind they like. He does not look, because he does not like to expose people… Not in food only, but also in speech, and in clothing, and in everything. There is a person who may look at others’ clothes and focus his looks on their defects until he embarrasses them.
But the humble may see everything, as if he saw nothing at all. And he notices as if he did not notice.
He who exposes others is not a humble person. Perhaps he exposes others in his speech. And he does not let a mistake pass, even if it is a stutter or a hesitation, or an error in pronunciation.
The proud exposes others in their mistakes, and exposure is of types:
A harsh type meets others’ mistakes with mockery and ridicule. And another type, lesser in degree, by mere speech and exposure. And a third type looks and smiles in a way that shows he “noticed.” He shows him that he discovered the flaw in him.
But the humble does not expose others. Nor criticizes him, nor mocks him, nor ridicules him, nor makes him an object for his jokes, nor embarrasses him, nor hurts him, nor insults him, nor shames him. But on the contrary he covers people.
4- The proud loves domination and victory:
The proud loves to overcome others. He loves to remain above others. He loves to win. But the humble does not like to overcome others, nor rejoice in victory over people. Rather he puts himself under all and less than all. Rather on the contrary, if he finds that people are made happy if they win over him, he gives them the opportunity to win, as long as this does not conflict with his eternity, nor threaten his principles in life.
The Holy Inspiration said about Jacob the Patriarch that he struggled with God and men and prevailed. From the humility of God, He allowed Jacob to prevail… I will give you an example:
A father holds something in his hand and clasps it. Then his child comes and wants to open his father’s hand by force to take what is in his grasp. And the father wants to give his child the joy of victory, so he softens his grip and gives his child the chance to open it, so he rejoices, and thinks he has won. And the father rejoices in his joy. And the victory is not due to the son’s strength, but to the father’s humility, who is not pleased to win, but that his son may win—even over him..!
The proud, if he discusses others, loves to defeat them and show their weakness, and rejoice in their defeat. But the humble convinces him with the truth without making him feel defeated. He makes him deduce the truth and reach the right situation as if it were from his own thought. And if he reaches it, he says to him: “According to your opinion. This is right. Your conclusion is correct. I agree with you in this. I am impressed by what you reached,” without making him feel defeat.
One of the most famous saints in this field was Saint Didymus, whose method was “not to defeat his debaters, but to win them, beside the truth.” Therefore he did not use in his theological discussions the harsh method, but the loving persuasive method by which he was able to attract many pagans to Christianity.
There are differences between the proud and the humble in the method of discussion and its goal.
The proud thinks of himself how to win even if he destroys his brother. But the humble thinks of his brother how to win him to the truth. Therefore the proud may show in his discussions the spirit of wonder and self-esteem, and perhaps severity and harshness, and the desire to destroy, and the joy in the fall of others. But the humble is polite in his discussions and gentle, and he can reach his goal with love. The gentle polite Didymus was able to win Jerome, mighty in his knowledge and personality.
5- The humble honors others and blesses them:
People always hear from him a sweet word. He always looks at the white points in others and not at the black points. People’s names are sweet in his mouth. He praises people beyond what they deserve. He encourages. He blows even on the smoking wick.
God said about Nineveh, “the great city,” despite its sin and ignorance and its deserving to be proclaimed upon for destruction. Yet it was in His eyes great in other respects. And He said about Job that he was “a perfect and upright man,” although none is perfect except God, and all have gone astray and become corrupt. And the sinful Samaritan woman the Lord saw in her something good, and said to her, “You have said well… this you said truly.”
The humble chooses polite words and selects them. And he does not use a hurtful word, nor a harsh word, nor a severe word, nor an embarrassing word… He treats people without harming them. But the proud, his words are like arrows. He stones people, and he does not care about their feelings. But the humble considers that the souls of the people he addresses are a trust in his hands; he preserves them…
6- The humble is characterized by calmness:
The humble stays away from noise and clamor. He is calm, in him is the sweet meekness, he behaves in every matter calmly: calmness in thought and in heart, calmness in nerves, calmness in dealing… He solves every problem calmly. Peace rules over his heart and words.
But the proud does not know calmness nor meekness; he thinks them a form of weakness. Therefore his behavior is characterized by violence. Even his voice is often loud or sharp. How beautiful what was said about the Lord Christ, that He “will not quarrel nor cry out, nor will anyone hear His voice in the streets. A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoking wick He will not quench.” And it was said about God when He spoke to Elijah the prophet, “And after that a still small voice, saying to him: What are you doing here, Elijah?”
Unlike this, the proud is a raging storm that loves to uproot everything.
Often the proud is destructive… His eye is critical and sees nothing but mistakes. The fog of greatness covers his eyes, so he does not see people’s virtues and their good points. All beside him are nothing. None remain except the flatterers and followers, and he destroys the rest so that he remains alone.
Therefore humility is linked to love of others, but the proud is ruled by selfishness, and in the path of loving himself he destroys, ruins, criticizes, defames, and judges…
And the love that characterizes the humble makes him gentle, not harsh, not unbecoming, not seeking his own, not thinking evil… (1 Corinthians 13).
7- The proud loves control and authority:
The proud loves authority and influence and seeks them. And if he obtains authority, he uses it to its last limits, or misuses it, or exceeds his limits and rights and authority, and uses influence that is not his. And he dominates. Like the elder son who uses with the members of his family and his younger brothers an authority that is not his, and harms them, while his father has authority and in love and humility does not use it.
The humble does not love control, nor uses authority even when it is in his hand. And he does not like to command much, though he has the authority to command. And he may be a head of work, and he says to his subordinate, “Please,” and “If you allow.” Unlike the proud who loves to issue commands in greatness and haughtiness… But the humble, his heart is above this level.
A Article by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III – in Al-Keraza Magazine, Fifth Year – Issue Nine, 30-11-1974
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