Comforting Souls
Comforting Souls
Restful souls are those who give rest to others.
A person may sit with you and you feel at ease because of his presence, and you wish his sitting would last no matter how much time passes. While another sits with you and you keep counting the minutes and wish he would leave. That is because one is restful and the other is tiring.
One person passes by you like a gentle breeze or a fragrant breeze.
Another passes by you as if a raging storm.
So what then is a restful soul? And what are its characteristics?
And why are some people’s souls tiring and unacceptable?
The first restful soul in every person’s history is his mother.
The child finds his comfort in her warm breast, in nursing from her, in her tender looks, in her smile, and in her response to his needs… With her he feels reassurance and security.
And the infant whom we think does not perceive anything, amazingly he can distinguish his mother — or his wet nurse — from any other woman. When she carries him she smiles at him, and he smiles at her in joy, cheerfulness, and innocence. While another woman carries him, he cries…
The child is very sensitive regarding people’s features.
He is not troubled by what is said to him because he does not understand it, but he understands the features: he distinguishes the comforting look from the tiring look. He distinguishes cheerful features from annoying features. He reassures himself to the restful person by the type of look, the shape of features, and the tone of voice. And he distinguishes the restful soul who teases and plays with him. Therefore be careful to control your features when you meet children. Beware of rebuke and scolding, because the features in them are not comforting.
And believe me, the same applies in dealing with adults.
They too need to be dealt with by restful souls. They are comforted by a person’s appearance, and also by his features and behavior. Perhaps you meet a person for the first time and you do not feel comfortable with him… you do not feel at ease with his facial expressions, his tone of voice, his movements, or his overall appearance… he gives you a sense of unease and distrust.
Sometimes this happens in choosing friends. There are those to whom you are attracted and you feel from the first time as if you have known him for long. Others you instinctively repel.
The same is said about doctors.
There is a doctor whom the patient feels at ease with: in his cheerfulness, in his explanation of the disease and the treatment, and in giving a sparkle of hope and expectation however serious it is. The patient feels reassured that he is in the hands of an honest man with a compassionate heart…
While another doctor — after meeting the patient — the patient leaves him collapsed.
The same applies to the confessor.
The restful confessor is the one who knows the penitent’s psychology, his circumstances and struggles, and gives him guidance that he can implement, leading him to repentance and to spiritual life gently and in reasonable gradation. He makes him feel love and tenderness, and opens to him the door of hope no matter his sins. He guides him to open his heart in confession with absolute reassurance.
Whereas the non-restful confessor is the one who embarrasses the penitent before him, and he does not know what to say. Perhaps he is afraid and cannot complete his confession. He fears his rebuke, his severity, a change in his opinion about him, being deprived of Communion, or harsh penance…
While the restful confessor may punish but within the penitent’s capacity, convincing him that the punishment is beneficial for correcting his life and for easing his conscience…
Characteristics of restful souls
1- One of their characteristics is distance from harshness.
Whether harshness in words, or harshness in judgments, and in dealing with mistakes in a way that tires the offenders without restoring them, or in a manner that crushes their psychology and causes a drop in their morale.
This may occur from some fathers and mothers when they rebuke and punish their children for their mistakes in a way that perhaps makes them seek a tender breast outside the home, with the dangerous consequences that follow.
Perhaps this harshness issues from those who undertake administration, issuing penalties for trivial mistakes. Or from those who oversee training or personal examinations, judging a person unfit. Or from some professors and teachers, so the student fears falling into the hands of one of them.
But among the good examples is what we mentioned about Archdeacon Habib Girgis.
O wise one who disciplined people and in reproof there was love and in your voice compassion
You had a method pure and chaste and a tongue white with gentle words
You did not obtain by blame a person nor did you mention evil if a description appeared
Rather by love and encouragement you could mend the bent and brighten the dulled
2- Another characteristic of restful souls: distance from gloom.
There are people — especially in the family sphere — who try to solve problems through gloom, and they cast upon the home an atmosphere of depression and sorrow; some family members seek their heart’s peace by fleeing the home. The matter may end for the spouses in personal status courts or in the ecclesiastical council. Each party in the family feels that he deals with non-restful souls.
3- Among the traits of non-restful souls: excessive interrogations.
So that the person feels besieged by a milieu of questions that choke him to know the details of details. What did you do? Where were you? Whom did you meet? When? What was the topic of conversation? What did you say and what did he say? What was the result? What did you do?
Whatever shows that the person is annoyed, the interrogations follow him relentlessly, without consideration for his psyche and feelings, causing him to flee from such people who have this method of investigation. Perhaps some do not have a status that allows them all these questions. This leads us to another point which is:
4- Interfering in others’ privacy.
Every person has his private matters that he should keep, and he does not like to disclose them to everyone. Rather others must respect them. For this reason we find in many Western countries: if a letter arrives for a son at home, the father and mother cannot open it. Likewise if a letter arrives for the wife, the husband does not open it. Rather by the love among family members the owner of the letter reveals what came in it, or some of it, to his family without being asked.
But it is tiring that some acquaintances interfere in others’ privacy in a way that they want to know everything about him, whether in his private life, his family life, or at work, as if they monitor his movements, and exhaust him with questions or send those who follow his news and tell them. So it feels as if these intrude on his life and privacy without rightful cause and in a tiring manner…
And if he does not tell them they accuse him of not loving or not being faithful in his friendship, and ask him: what is this thing you hide? Is there danger or sin? Tell us and we will advise you.
It is a kind of unacceptable intrusion that tires the soul and harms relations.
5- Another trait of tiring souls: suspicion.
There are souls by nature suspicious: they doubt others’ honesty and love, and they doubt their words and news. They also doubt their behavior. Suspicion appears in their way of speaking, tone of voice, in their looks, and in the type of their questions.
It is rare that a person accepts to be the object of suspicion. Therefore those who suspect him are considered non-restful souls, and he tries to avoid them. Their suspicion is considered a lack of love. The Book says: “Love… does not take into account a wrong.” (1 Cor. 13:5).
6- Conversely, the one who meets others with the spirit of trust and respect.
This is a trait of restful souls. Trust begets trust and indicates respect. And respect begets respect. Thus people live together in a wholesome manner. Everyone feels at ease with the one he trusts.
7- Also among the qualities of non-restful souls: insistence and arguing.
There are people — in all that they want — who use insistence and pressure. If they want something from someone, they insist on him continuously, repeatedly, perhaps several times a day. They do not give him an opportunity to think or arrange. They do not allow him room to excuse himself, and perhaps what they ask is beyond his capacity, or is not comfortable for his conscience… Their insistence and pressure follow in a tiring manner, perhaps prompting the one they insist upon to flee meeting them by all means.
Perhaps insistence and pressure is in knowing some of his privacies, as happened with Delilah in knowing the secret of Samson’s strength (Judg. 16).
8- Another trait of non-restful souls: imposing opinion.
This imposes pressure on thought and pressure on conduct. These attempt to make others walk in their intellectual or behavioral current despite themselves, imposing on their freedom somewhat of control.
Imposing opinion may occur from a parent regarding his daughter’s marriage, pressuring her to marry whom she does not love, which results in misery or failure in her married life.
In imposing opinion there is a form of control which is another trait of non-restful souls.
9- Another trait of non-restful souls: much disputation.
No matter how simple the matter, every thought and every action they undertake becomes a subject of dispute, perhaps consuming a long time, and it tires nerves and wastes time.
Such people may not be addressed with a topic or give an opinion, because one will not be saved from their futile argument. If they speak, perhaps one resorts to closed answers: “God does what is good,” “We thank God in every case,” or “This matter I do not know and there is no certain opinion,” all this to escape argument; and the Book truly said: “Do all things without grumbling and disputing.” (Phil. 2:14).
One may be fed up and say about such people: “Can not something be done without argument?!” Or say to himself: “Is this simple matter worth all this argument and discussion?”
My advice to you: do not argue except in an important matter or a serious issue that deserves it. Also notice in your discussion whether the one you discuss accepts speech or not, or whether he wants discussion merely for love of arguing and passing time. If so the saying of the apostle applies: “Foolish and unlearned questionings avoid, knowing they generate strife.” (2 Tim. 2:23).
The purpose of argument may be to impose opinion.
Like a person wanting to impose his view in administration, or in the management of church matters if the discussant is a member of a committee in his church, or merely impose his opinion as one who claims to have opinion and to be always right and knowledgeable.
Perhaps his imposition of opinion is accompanied by threats and defamation.
10- Among non-restful souls are those who do not appreciate others’ circumstances.
For example, someone talks to you at a time you are busy; you apologize briefly for lack of time and postpone the topic to another appointment; he persists insistently because the matter is important and cannot be postponed, not caring about the importance of your busyness, making you listen to him begrudgingly while feeling his pressure on you, while the subject does not deserve all that.
Perhaps someone comes to you while you are ill and asks you for what your condition cannot bear. Or he keeps talking to you while you are on your sickbed, which harms you healthwise though you are unable. This caused many hospitals to set times that prevent visiting some patients.
Or someone talks to you on the phone while you are busy; he does not care and continues talking and talking no matter how long the time is. No matter how you try to postpone the call or explain your circumstances, it does not matter to him and he continues his conversation. You feel he is one of the tiring souls who do not appreciate others’ circumstances and you take a position toward him in subsequent conversations.
This reminds us of those who visit families during students’ final exams. They talk and raise their voice, creating an atmosphere of noise that does not help studying, not caring for students’ feelings and examinations, and they become among the tiring souls. Likewise those who hold celebrations and turn up microphone volumes…
11- Among tiring souls are those characterized by anger.
Whether quickness to anger, severity of anger, anger without reasonable cause, or anger accompanied by mistakes or insults or assaults. Such people are avoided by others to avoid their evil. Or at least the Scripture advises: “Do not befriend a hot-tempered man; do not associate with one easily angered.” (Prov. 22:24).
From restful souls
12- The cheerful person himself is restful.
People love cheerfulness, and they feel at ease with a cheerful face, which from the overflow of his heart’s peace pours comfort and heart peace upon everyone who meets him…
Cheerfulness is a joy that transfers from soul to soul. Therefore people love those with merry souls that bring joy to the heart. Among examples are artists who draw caricatures with gentle jokes, as long as the humor is innocent and gentle and not wrong.
Because cheerfulness and humor comfort the soul, photographers before taking pictures ask people to smile first, because the smiling face is a restful face to whoever sees it. Some smile artificially during photography.
However some have naturally smiling cheerful faces in all occasions, without affectation. These are owners of restful souls.
13- Likewise the meek, calm person is among restful souls.
By their calm they bring calm to others’ hearts. No matter how difficult things seem, they work to ease them and lighten their impact, and thereby comfort others, and in an atmosphere of reassurance they discuss matters calmly to reach a solution.
Also the meek person is comfortable in dealing because he takes things simply. He does not anger anyone nor is angered by anyone. He deals with people easily and matters never become complicated in dealing with him.
14- Bearers of good news are among restful souls.
People love those who bring them good news… they consider them bringers of good and they rejoice in them. Therefore the Scripture says: “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that brings good tidings.” (Isa. 52:7; Nah. 1:15).
As opposed to the one who brings sorrow with bad news he transmits to them. They consider him like an owl that heralds ruin. Among examples are those who convey news with tiring comments for souls.
News published in newspapers vary from one to another… some comfort souls with their news, and some disturb people and frighten them and make them feel of impending dangers and expected calamities.
15- Doers of good are among restful souls:
And how beautiful what is said about the Lord Christ that He went about doing good (Acts 10:38). He preached the Gospel, healed every disease and every weakness among the people (Matt. 4:23). Thus were His disciples, and thus were the saints in every age, doing good and performing acts of charity toward everyone.
People love those who do good to them.
Contrary to those who complicate matters, and those who could do good but do not. How dangerous is the saying of Scripture: “He who shuts his ear to the cry of the poor will also cry himself and not be heard.”
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