The Self or the Ego
The Self or (the Ego) 1
We would like to speak in this article about the danger of the war of the self spiritually. This includes self-love, self-feeling, the attempt to glorify the self, placing it above all, and all the sins that result from this.
Among the first sins that the (ego) gives birth to is pride…
For the one concerned with the (ego) continually wants to enlarge his self. His self becomes great in his own eyes, and also great in the eyes of others. In this he becomes admiring of himself. He may fall into what they call “self-adoration,” so his soul becomes very beautiful in his own eyes, like someone who constantly loves to look in a mirror and contemplate his own virtues…!
And from here, the one who falls into self-love may also fall into vanity.
He thinks of himself more than the truth of his own self. He feels that he is something, that he has a special importance, or special talents, or that he excels above others: he understands more, or has a greater position, and this feeling gives him an excess of self-confidence which he wants to impose on others. With this feeling he is led into greatness and into loving the first places.
Perhaps this self-feeling comes to a person in adolescence, when he feels his transition to a higher stage that grants him a certain importance.
And how often this adolescent feeling continues with him as he grows older, though it takes forms other than the forms of adolescence.
This feeling may also occur to a child because of excessive praise or encouragement, or because of excellence, or due to certain gifts. However, this feeling may not be dangerous in the child. But it often deviates when one becomes older.
And from here, self-love may lead to jealousy and envy:
In this jealousy, he wants everything to come to him. All praise and money reach him, as well as all admiration for success and excellence, and all attention… He not only loves that he be praised, but that all praise be for him alone! And if others are praised, his soul becomes troubled and distressed, as if that other person who was praised had seized from him a right reserved for him…!
We notice that the one concerned with himself focuses on achieving his own self:
He does not think of the Kingdom of God, but in his own kingdom! For the Kingdom of God does not occupy him; rather, his self occupies him and how to achieve for it its existence and ambitions! Even in his prayer, he sees that God’s work for him is to build his self and enlarge it for him on earth and in heaven. Thus his prayers contain no expressions except “I want… I want…”
And the one who focuses on his self wants everyone to work for the achievement of his self:
The society around him must achieve his self for him. Even the Church, for example, has the duty to achieve his self for him. And if this does not happen, he becomes angry at everyone! Perhaps he even distances himself from the entire religious environment because he did not find his self in it!!
Indeed, every person who does not achieve his self, he distances himself from him — even God Himself!
And this reminds us of the atheist existentialists, each of whom searches for his own existence and how to enjoy this existence… and his attitude says: it is better that God does not exist so that I may exist…!
And the meaning of existence to him is the enjoyment of pleasure. If the commandments of God stand against his bodily and material pleasures, then neither God nor His commandments should exist!… To this extent the ego and the self lead.
In all of this, the one concerned with his own self alone is far removed from humility!
For his love of honor may stand as a barrier before him in reaching the life of humility. He sees humility as a lowering of his status and a distancing from the greatness he wants for himself! He loves that his self be respected by all. Indeed, he delights to be the only one respected! And to be the only one who is the focus of attention and appreciation of people.
And lovers of the self: all their joy is in taking, not in giving:
They think that by taking they build the self and enlarge it and add something new to it…! But giving is done by the person who leaves self-concern to concern for others and believes in the saying of the Lord Christ, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”
And through this, the person concerned with taking may fall into miserliness:
He wants his money to increase so that the self may enjoy it, and so it becomes difficult for him to give. He sees that giving reduces the money he labored to collect. For this reason, many rich people continually want their bank accounts to increase, and they boast about it. Thus he sees it as difficult to pay even the tithe or almsgiving or God’s due in his money. We observe that the majority of donations are given by the poor and the middle-class.
And the one who trusts his self more than he ought may fall into self-reliance. In this he distances himself from obedience and counsel, for he obeys only his own thought, and trusts only his own opinion…
In all this he depends on no one but himself. He is wise in his own eyes: he knows everything, so why resort to guides?! And why seek counsel?! What new thing will he gain from counsel?!… And therefore, if someone older advises him with something, he does not easily accept it but argues and debates a lot. This also happens with his own father…
Thus the self-assured person becomes rigid in opinion… stubborn…
And how easy it becomes for him to disagree with others. He considers that everyone who disagrees with him is necessarily wrong. And if he enters into a discussion with someone, it is not easy for him to be convinced, because the self within him cannot retreat!
Indeed, the self-reliant person becomes stubborn even in his relationship with God Himself!
Thus he cannot live the life of surrender, and it is difficult for him to say to the Lord, “Thy will be done,” but rather: my will, O Lord, I ask You to fulfill it…
And because he is righteous in his own eyes, he never admits any fault he has committed:
If his fault is obvious, he shifts the responsibility to others! If he fails an exam, he explains this by the difficulty of the questions or the strictness of the graders. Or he blames God who did not help him but abandoned him, so he failed…
But if he succeeds in the exam, he attributes it to himself, to his effort and to his intelligence, and in this he never refers to God’s help nor gives thanks… And if you ask him about this, he says to you: Whom should I thank? And for what? I did everything myself and succeeded by my own effort without any help from anyone!! So there is no need for this expression of thanks!!
And now… there is much more to say about the self. So, until we meet in a coming issue, if the Lord wills and we live.
An article by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III, published in Al-Ahram Newspaper on 15-10-2006
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