Relations Between the Father Priests
Relations Between the Father Priests
We spoke in the previous issue about the rivalries between some of the father priests and how to avoid these rivalries. And about the proposal to divide the area and its discussion, and the difference between division and schism. Today we continue our talk on the relations of the father priests:
Here we are faced with an important question from some father priests:
What if my colleague is harsh… how do I win him?
How to win your colleague
Of course, not all colleagues are harsh, for there are many fathers who live together with utmost love and cooperation. But in such exceptional situations we advise the following:
1—Do not use visiting homes as a field to declare hostility.
2—Also, do not use the church pulpit as a field to declare hostility.
We must know that the church pulpit, or the lectern, or the ambo, is for the Word of God only, for spiritual benefit only, and not for settling accounts between a priest and his colleague, or between him and the church council members, or any group of servants.
3—There can be spiritual settings in which the father priests and their families participate:
They gather with their families in a special Liturgy, then at an agape meal: they eat together with their wives and children in a family atmosphere. This undoubtedly reduces any strained relationship.
4—If you have a gift in which you excel over your colleague, do not weaken his morale because of it.
Do not boast of this gift before him, and do not embarrass him.
And try to find for him something that compensates for it… give him honor in something else. For example, if you have the gift of preaching, let him pray the rite (Vespers or the Liturgy), especially if he has a gift in chanting.
Or you pray Vespers, and he leads the hymn in the glorification.
Or invite him to a conference or study circle, and suggest that he deliver a certain sermon, and present to him a book about it, or lovingly give him its points. Encourage him in preaching without hurting his feelings. And let this be in secret…
5—Praise him before people in situations in which he deserves praise.
Every person—no matter his weaknesses—must have some white points in his life that deserve a word of appreciation.
The Scripture said three times about Nineveh “the great city” (Jonah 1:2; 3:2; 4:11), although it was a sinful city!! But it was great as a capital and also because of the large number of its inhabitants…
6—Even if he speaks badly about you, endure it.
And do not respond likewise… If he explains to you faults in you or criticizes you harshly, say to him affectionately: “In fact, our father, I admire your frankness”… but do not say it in a way that increases irritation…
7—I know that there are people who are not easy to win…
If you cannot win him, at least do not widen the gap between you and him.
Remember that when some came to St. Anthony the Great asking for advice, he reminded them of the Lord’s saying: “Whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also” (Matt. 5:39). When they said, “We cannot,” he said: Then at least endure the one slap… When they answered, “We also cannot,” he replied: “Then at least: do not return the slap with a slap.”
8—Do not forget the saying of St. Paul the Apostle in his Epistle to the Romans:
“Giving preference to one another in honor” (Rom. 12:10).
You will find many fields in which you can give your colleague precedence in honor… In any meeting in which you speak, let him be the one who begins the meeting with the Prayer of Thanksgiving, or the one who ends the meeting with the blessing.
9—Take certain opportunities, visit him, and present him a gift.
This treatment will certainly have its good effect, and he will feel that in your heart there is affection for him that he did not expect.
10—Do not clash with him in financial matters.
And do not think that you will lose in this field, for God will surely give you from where you do not expect… And if you have principles in service not to take money in return for certain prayers or visits, do not change your principles for the sake of pleasing him!
11—Know your colleague’s temperament and adjust your treatment of him according to it.
Do not insist that he change his temperament, for he may not be able to. But you train yourself to deal with this temperament… even if it is a cross you bear in service… and do not try to complain to people about his behavior, for this complaint may complicate matters between you.
12—You can win him by your good treatment of his little children.
And surely when they bring home news of your love for them, this will leave a good effect on his feelings. And you will have in his house someone who intercedes for you and gives a good picture of you.
13—If there is affection between your wife and his wife, this will be a good factor in bringing you closer.
And the opposite is true if the two wives quarrel or compete…
Always advise your wife not to become overly passionate or heated in defending you, especially before his wife, for this may inflame the fire more.
14—Do not think that the silent person is weak. On the contrary, he is strong.
The weak person is the one who is easily provoked; the smallest word disturbs him and makes him take a severe position. But the strong one is like a firm mountain: whatever winds, sands, or natural factors collide with it, they do not harm it…
15—Do not be much in reproach, nor severe in reproach.
Reprove the one who benefits from your reproach and who accepts it. But the one who becomes angry if you reprove him, it is better not to provoke him with your reproach and by making him feel that he has erred… One who does not blame himself inwardly may not accept that you blame him… This does not prevent that some accept reproach if it is done wisely.
For better translation support, please contact the center.
