Relationships Between the Priests
Relationships among the Priestly Fathers[1]
There may be in one church two or three or more priestly fathers. They live together in an atmosphere of affection and cooperation.
But sometimes an atmosphere of competition and conflict exists.
About this atmosphere of competition, I speak to you today:
Competitions and Their Causes:
They may compete in serving the same Divine Liturgy: who receives the offering? who is the assisting priest? who delivers the sermon? and who offers the incense?
They may also compete over youth meetings—who leads them? Likewise, the service of church education—who supervises it? They may compete in visiting the people and in winning the love of the people… and if only this competition would create an atmosphere of activity in love. But often it creates a kind of division and schism. And this has its effect on the people.
This division has many causes, among them:
Perhaps the temperament of one differs from that of the other, or perhaps the style of dealing is different. Or financial policy may differ. All this causes problems among the people. Or one may have gifts that his colleague does not have.
But the most dangerous result is when one of the priestly fathers speaks against his colleague…
This may happen during a visit by a priestly father to a family. He speaks there about his problems with his colleague, or complains of some of his actions or some of his traits. The visit then is not pastoral care, but gossip. The members of the family fall into thoughts of judgment, whether toward the one speaking or the one spoken about! They may say: if the relationships of the priestly fathers are like this, what will the relationships of the rest of the believers be?! And from where will they take the example and the model?! And if two priests cannot cooperate together, how can affection be spread among the members of the people?!
Avoiding Competitions
So how can this competition and this division be avoided?
*The priest who is confident in himself does not differ with his colleague, does not compete with him, and does not quarrel with him, for he continually feels that the door is open before him.
*Likewise, the priest rich in gifts does not compete: if his colleague does not leave him the liturgical service, before him is the sermon. If he does not leave him the sermon, before him is visitation. If he does not leave him visitation, before him are the multiple activities. And if he does not leave him these, before him are confessions. The expression “if he does not leave him…” is merely a supposition. But in practical reality, all fields are before him.
*Also, the spiritual priest, the one who possesses spiritual dispositions and qualities, people will necessarily flock to ask him to visit them, and they will flock to confess at his hands and to receive his prayers and blessings.
And if the other priest does not allow him to receive the prayers of the regular liturgies, his beloved ones will ask him to pray special liturgies for them. Thus there is no room for competition.
It is not permissible to show this competition before the people, for fear of causing stumbling.
When the Lord Christ saw the disciples competing over leadership, He said to them:
“You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and the great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matt 20:25–28).
If your colleague competes with you, do not compete with him. And if he speaks against you before others, do not speak against him.
Conversation in Homes
People respect the calm priest, who does not speak in his visits about the story of his colleague.
They admire the priest who visits them and sits with them in a spiritual session that draws them closer to God. They respect his spirituality and benefit from his words. They admire the priest who, if they say to him: “Our father so-and-so visited us and spoke against you, saying that you did such and such,” replies to them saying: “May the Lord forgive me through his prayers,” then moves them to a spiritual conversation. But as for the priest who, if they say to him: “Our father so-and-so spoke against you,” replies: “No… he whose house is made of glass should not throw stones at people,” and then explains in detail what disgraces that father—there is no doubt that people will say: “They are all of one kind,” and they will stumble in both of them.
Therefore, if a priest visits a family, let his goal be their spiritual benefit, not his personal dignity.
But if what was said about him is truly scandalous, let him explain the matter to them with objectivity and positivity, without touching the one who transmitted or invented those scandals. Always remember that evil lasts for a time and then passes away… If your colleague speaks against you in homes, a time will come when people will grow weary of such talk. They may say to him frankly: “Enough, our father, talk on these matters has tired us.” Or they may cut off his talk with a question on another subject, to turn him away from speaking about you, so he becomes embarrassed and ashamed. They may compare your spiritual style with his style of defamation, and your side will outweigh his in their eyes.
I fear that disputes among priests with one another give an opportunity for denominations to take possession of the people…
As one of the spiritual writers said: “Two eagles quarreled over a prey, and it became the share of the fox,” meaning that while they were fighting, a stranger came and seized what they were fighting over. Even if denominations do not come and attract the people to themselves, some of the people will become distressed by the spirit of hostility among the fathers and will go on their own to the meetings of those denominations. Therefore, be concerned with constructive spiritual work, and stay away from disputes.
Division of the Area:
Some priests divide the church’s area into geographical sections. Each father has a pastoral area, in order to avoid disagreement.
They may differ over border areas. Some of them feel that the borders have turned into restrictions. This is because the priest—in his ordination—was ordained over the entire area of the church. Some of the people may request him in another area, and he cannot say no…
Division for the sake of cooperation in pastoral care is acceptable. But there are many matters in which division is not suitable at all…
For example, funeral prayers. Can a priest refrain from performing the duty of consolation toward one of the people of the church on the grounds that he is not from his area?! Likewise in disasters and accidents, all must participate in expressing their sympathy toward those upon whom that tribulation has fallen, and in helping to resolve it, without regard to the matter of borders. The same applies to visiting the sick, whether in homes or in hospitals. A priest cannot fall short in visiting a sick person, asking about him, and reassuring him under the pretext that he is not from his area…
Likewise the matter of confession never enters into the matter of geographical boundaries.
Can a person come to confess, and the priest ask him about his address to know which area he belongs to, then refuse to accept his confession because he is not from his area?! What a stumbling block this would be for such a person in the priest’s refusal of him! Moreover, it is the right of any person to confess to the father with whom he is at ease. It is not our right to refuse a person who comes to us repentant.
Organizing the service must not turn from division into schism.
There are general matters and general duties that every priest in the church feels he has an obligation toward, from which geographical boundaries—made by us—cannot exempt him… The matter of visitation remains. And in this also we say: “the letter kills” (2 Cor 3:6).
If a family asks a priest to visit them, he cannot refuse their request saying: “I cannot visit you, because you are not from my area.” They will certainly say to him in astonishment: “How is this, our father?! Are you not the priest of our church?!” Can he answer: I have agreed with my colleague in the service not to visit you, because you are from his area?!
Truly, cooperation and organizing the service are one thing, and division is another… and declaring this division to the people is something scandalous and impractical…
How beautiful is the love that gathers two priests together in one service, cooperating together in shepherding the people of the church.
But even if cooperation is lacking, and even if your colleague in the service becomes an adversary to you, remember then the saying of the Lord:
“Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him” (Matt 5:25).
As for how to win him and live with him in peace, this is what I shall speak to you about in the next issue, if the grace of the Lord wills and we live.
[1] A lecture delivered by His Holiness Pope Shenouda III at the Pastoral Care Institute on February 27, 1995, and published in El-Keraza Magazine under the title “The Pastoral Page: Relationships among the Priestly Fathers,” dated June 2, 1995.For better translation support, please contact the center.
