The Ideal Family
The Ideal Family
The Law of One Flesh
This principle has been established since the beginning of humanity, when the Lord said: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
The Lord Jesus Christ confirmed this truth in His dialogue with the scribes and Pharisees about divorce: “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6).
In this unity, the man is the head, and the woman is the body (Ephesians 5:23–28).
St. Paul reinforces this by saying: “He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh” (Ephesians 5:28–29).
St. John Chrysostom explains these verses, saying: “Do you ask how she is his body? Hear what Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ (Genesis 2:23)”.
And he continues: “You two are now one living being — no longer two, but one”.
No Longer Two, but One
St. John Chrysostom says about husband and wife: “There are not two bodies, but one — he is the head, and she is the body”.
He recalls the story of creation, noting that God did not form Eve from something external, lest Adam feel she was a stranger to him. She was made from his own flesh, the same body.
St. Ambrose affirms this truth: “God took a rib from Adam and made it into a woman, that He might return and unite them again as one flesh.”
Man and woman marry, but after marriage “they are no longer two, but one”.
They are one in spirit, one in body, and one in everything.
Neither can say to the other, “This is mine, and that is yours”.
Spiritually, there is no separation or duality — everything in the home belongs to both.
Writing property in one name or the other is a civil act, not a Christian one.
The Concept of One Flesh and Its Consequences
Since the two have become “one flesh,” as Scripture says, polygamy is forbidden.
For a third body entering between the two destroys their unity.
Divorce is also rejected by the Church because it tears apart this one flesh.
It is permitted only in the case of adultery, for then the unity has already been broken in deed.
Adultery introduces a third person into the sacred union, breaking the unity of the “one body” formed in marriage and creating an unlawful union with one of its members.
Thus, dissolving the marriage after adultery is merely a recognition of the separation that has already occurred in reality.
In adultery, the physical and spiritual union has been destroyed — what remains is the legal acknowledgment of that rupture.
Unity in Family Ties
Husband and wife are one not only in body but also in family relationships.
- The husband’s mother becomes the wife’s mother, and his father her father.
- The wife’s parents likewise become the husband’s parents.
- The husband’s brothers become the wife’s brothers.
- The wife’s sisters become the husband’s sisters.
Therefore, the relatives forbidden to one are also forbidden to the other.
What one cannot marry, the other cannot either — for they are one.
Avoiding Family Interference
One key to the happiness of newlyweds is avoiding interference from their extended families — from either side.
It is much easier for a couple to solve their problems quietly if their parents do not get involved and escalate matters.
Newlyweds should keep their personal issues private, not sharing them with parents or relatives.
If needed, they can seek help from their spiritual father, who can guide them wisely and discreetly.
A husband should not love his family more than his wife — and likewise, the wife should not love her family more than her husband.
As the Lord Jesus said: “A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife”.
If parents are wise, they can guide the young couple with good counsel and spiritual support.
But if they act out of family pride, misguided affection, or false honor, they endanger the new home and may cause its ruin.
Unity in Faith
It is not enough that both be Christians — they must also be Orthodox.
They should share the same doctrine, faith, and Church life:
united in fasting, feasts, and sacraments, worshipping together in one spirit.
They should attend church together, partake of Holy Communion together, and confess to the same father of confession.
A difference in faith not only divides the couple but also confuses the children, who will wonder whom to follow — the father or the mother?
If they follow one, they may feel the other is wrong — and this destroys the child’s ideal view of both parents.
Practically and canonically, the Church does not permit marriage between people of different denominations.
Some attempt to bypass this by having one partner formally join the other’s denomination without true conviction.
The wedding takes place, but the division in faith — and its consequences — remain.
What value does such a superficial conversion have in the eyes of God?
And how can a priest, with a clear conscience, accept to perform it?
Marriage and Fasting
Marriage is a joyful sacrament — the joy of forming a new family, of receiving the Holy Spirit who unites two into one, and of finding a life companion for the journey of this earthly exile.
But joy does not align with fasting, which is marked by repentance and contrition.
The Lord said: “Can the friends of the bridegroom fast while the bridegroom is with them? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast.” (Mark 2:19)
The marriage service includes joyful hymns, which are not appropriate during fasting seasons.
Moreover, from a practical perspective, a wedding day — with its feasts and celebrations — cannot be a fasting day for the couple, their families, or guests.
Also, marital relations are not appropriate during fasting periods (1 Corinthians 7).
For all these reasons, the Church forbids conducting marriage ceremonies during fasts.
It is not fitting for one to begin their married life by breaking the laws and spirit of the Church.
It is also improper for believers to pressure priests with excuses or persistence to perform weddings during fasting seasons.
Everyone should plan their dates carefully, ensuring that their wedding does not fall during a fasting period — especially the Great Lent.
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