Elements of Interaction Within the Family
Elements of Interaction Within the Family
There are essential elements needed for interaction within the family, to preserve its unity and peace.
Among the most important of these is understanding. Parents must understand their children’s psychology at every stage of their growth and know the proper way to deal with each stage. They should understand, for example, how to deal with a shy child, a stubborn one, an aggressive one, a selfish one, or a quarrelsome one, and the right approach for each case. Likewise, the husband should understand the woman’s nature and temperament, and the wife should understand the man’s mind and personality—each interacting with the other in light of this understanding.
A wise woman—if she wishes to be a successful wife—must know how to deal with her husband. She should speak with knowledge that satisfies him but not boast in a way that wounds his pride. A wise woman preserves her husband’s dignity; she may convince him of the truth but without making him feel she is leading him. When he is troubled, she should bear with him and try to ease his burden. If silence suits him, she keeps silent; if laughter suits him, she makes him laugh; if he is ready for conversation, she speaks with him.
If love and trust exist between the spouses, each will confide in the other about what troubles them. If not, both should strive to build them. They may sometimes exchange words of correction calmly and without harshness. But frequent reproach destroys both love and respect. During correction, neither should try to prove the other wrong, nor should reproach be hurtful or insulting in a way that weakens mutual trust.
In marriage, it is not right for one spouse to act as a constant monitor over the other—questioning, criticizing, or suspecting every word, visit, smile, or innocent admiration. Living in such an atmosphere of suspicion and control brings misery. Many marriages have failed because of such tension and constant nagging.
Another vital element for family peace is patience.
A mother, for example, should be calm and not let her children suffer from her emotional or physical exhaustion or from conflicts with her husband or acquaintances. Her children should not pay the price of her irritability, poor self-control, or nervous outbursts. She must set boundaries for her anger—it should have a reason the children can understand and learn from, without turning into violence, harsh words, or unrealistic threats.
A third important element in dealing with children is tenderness.
Children need to feel the warmth of their parents’ love so they do not seek affection elsewhere from unsafe sources. Parental affection, however, must be balanced—it should not become overindulgence that spoils their upbringing or teaches them to act carelessly as if they never do wrong. A mother should not defend her children blindly before their father, justify their mistakes, or hide them from him, for that leaves the children without proper guidance.
Tenderness also involves giving—parents providing for their children’s needs even before they ask. This leaves a deep and loving impression in their hearts. Yet giving should remain reasonable, without waste or extravagance, so that children do not grow up expecting all their wishes to be fulfilled regardless of the family’s situation.
A pleasant home atmosphere should also include a sense of joy and humor.
Cheerful parents win their children’s love. Even visitors who bring joy are beloved by the children. If children do not find happiness at home, they will seek it elsewhere—and that can be dangerous. Still, family fun must have boundaries and good taste: children should learn what kind of humor is proper, with whom, and to what extent, distinguishing between acceptable and inappropriate joking.
Another key element in family relationships is wisdom—wisdom in raising children, wisdom between spouses, and wisdom in handling problems and mistakes. Some issues require firm intervention; others are better left to settle over time, so that the parent does not become a constant “policeman” in the home.
Finally, a foundational element for the family’s stability is mutual respect and appreciation.
This includes first the respect between husband and wife—each valuing and thanking the other, even in small things. Some couples, claiming “familiarity,” lose the courtesy of appreciation, but this should never happen. Respect between spouses teaches their children by example. A cultured and wise woman can engage her husband in meaningful conversation that he finds intellectually satisfying—unlike the woman who speaks only of trivial domestic matters or gossip.
Respect should also extend beyond the couple—to the children, relatives, and friends.
Tags: Family, Understanding
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